STEP 4: I recognize that God is not the abuser; people who misuse their authority are the abusers.
Abusive religious leaders don’t forget the importance of God’s calling—not completely anyway. Nearly every clergyman can point to a time when they realized God wanted them to devote their careers to the ministry. That’s what makes the problem of religious abuse so difficult to recognize. For the most part, the abusers believe they are being faithful to their calling—never questioning their motives or goals. As these ministers view it, the problem isn’t theirs. They are right.
The problem is with those who don’t buy into their program, which is the purpose to which God has called them. The problem is with those who get in the way. It’s the people who question or criticize the goals of these ministers, which have been divinely mandated, who are the problem. People who don’t follow the minister’s lead—blindly follow, without questioning—must be wrong. There’s no other conclusion possible, and people like these deserve the criticism they receive. They are opposing God’s will, regardless of how small or insignificant the issue might be.
For abusive leaders, there is rarely any gray area. You are either for them or against them. It’s why they surround themselves with sycophantic “yes men”—those who consistently tell them how wonderful they are. If you oppose them, you might as well be opposing God Himself. Because God has given them a vision for the direction He wants them to follow—because He has “told them” what to do, any criticism of their agenda is met with harsh rebuke. But that’s not all. That’s just the beginning of the abusive treatment, and it’s why millions suffer from it.
