STEP4: I recognize that God is not the abuser; people who misuse their authority are the abusers.
Not everybody who has been abused goes quietly. Most bow their heads, tuck their tails, and withdraw to live out their days wounded and scorned, but not everybody is willing to be a martyr for the religious leader. Some, convinced that they are right and the Christian leader is wrong, refuse to walk away without a fight. Occasionally, some of these people are absolutely correct. They can prove they are right, and they are willing to go public to do so.
When this happens, an interesting phenomenon occurs. When the abusee “has the goods” on a narcissistic leader and the ministry is forced to face an unpleasant truth, it’s never followed by an open act of repentance. Genuine humility is never an option. The leader rarely comes forth to admit openly how he or she has wronged another. That only occurs when they are forced to do so. It’s never their immediate reaction. Instead, like sleazy politicians, they choose to cover up their wrongdoing.
Reasoning that an open admission of guilt would make too many followers lose their faith, leaders like these do everything in their power to hide the truth—to camouflage reality. This, of course, goes against core Christian beliefs, which requires confession of wrongdoing by everyone, especially leaders. The reason such leaders refuse to humble themselves in this way is because they don’t believe they need to follow the same rules as everybody else. They are above mundane, petty acts of contrition, which impede their noble, exalted purpose. This attitude of superiority rather than service is a clear indication of someone who abuses those he or she has been called to serve.
