God Loves You—No Matter What

Father,

I know You want me to trust You completely,

And I do—at least, most of the time.

But because of what has hurt me so much

And because of my feelings of worthlessness,

I still struggle believing that You love me—

That You accept me just the way I am,

Regardless of how awful I have been.

I don’t see how You can—not really.

Perhaps that’s why I whine and remain timid,

Even though Your desire for me

Is to be resilient, strong, and self-assured.

I desire inner strength, but that’s rarely an option.

Father, how can You love someone like me?

That You do is something I cannot figure out.

Such love and acceptance is beyond my grasp.

You say that you love me despite everything,

Even when my self-defeating ways consume me.

As I see Your displays of faithfulness,

My trust in You increases and becomes sounder,

But it still isn’t where it needs to be—not really.

I pretend to be strong—to be supremely confident,

But I’m not nearly the person on the inside

That I appear to be on the outside.

I pretend to be what I am not—

To be far more secure than I really am.

I even try to fool myself,

But You know each of my frailties,

Which I try to hide and attempt to mask.

I don’t know why You care so much about me,

When I don’t care that much about myself.

This is mystery I doubt I’ll ever grasp.

In my quiet moments, which I attempt to avoid,

I try to comprehend such love and caring,

But I simply cannot.

O Lord, Thou hast searched me and known me. Thou does know when I sit down and when I rise up; Thou dost understand my thought from afar. Thou dost scrutinize my path and my lying down, and art intimately acquainted with all my ways. Even before there is a word on my tongue, behold, O Lord, Thou dost know it all. Thou hast enclosed me behind and before, and laid Thy hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is to high, I cannot attain to it. (Psalm 139:1-6)