Even When You Think God Isn’t There, He Is

Refer To STEP 4:  I choose to believe what God says about Himself: that He is good and can be trusted.

 

 

The Almighty makes miracles when He pleases, wonder after wonder, and this world rests in His hands.

—Beowulf

The Scriptures tell us to not be conformed to this world but to be transformed. The way to do this is by renewing our minds. If our minds are renewed, we can pray with the correct perspective. But what is really involved in renewing your mind?

When you’ve experienced abuse—any abuse—it impacts how you perceive reality. You see things differently—more apprehensively and with less confidence. To be candid, most who have been abused wonder if God is literally in charge. They might believe it as a doctrinal statement, but not literally—not from their own experience. They just don’t see it. Abused people routinely think, “If God was in charge, He wouldn’t have allowed . . . (fill in the blank).”

That’s where we have to begin our recovery process. We need to renew our minds about how we perceive reality. Until we do, we will not make much progress.

Eventually, we need to come to this place: God is in charge of everything. According to the Scriptures, “There is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.” This is either true, or it isn’t. If you want to have a full and productive life, you can begin by renewing your mind to accept that God is alive and powerful, active in the affairs of mankind.

That includes your life. Even if you feel certain He had abandoned you, which most abused people do, especially soon after their experience, He has not. It just feels like He has. He is there, whether you think He is or not. You can count on it, and you should count on it.

Oh Lord God! Behold, Thou hast made the heavens and the earth by Thy great power and by Thine outstretched arm! Nothing is too difficult for Thee. (Jeremiah 32:17)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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Enjoying the Fruit of Bitterness Is Common, but Unhealthy

 

Refer to STEP 6: I abandon my desire to spread malice because of my pain and anger, and I chose to relinquish my right to be self-absorbed.

Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.

—Charlotte Bronte

Having established a relationship with God through faith, you already have everything you need to facilitate your recovery. It’s inside you. Because you are His child, possessing all the rights that entails, you can recover just as soon as you make the decision to do so.

This isn’t just the power of positive thinking or putting a constructive spin on your situation. It’s real, and you can count on it.

You may feel lost, detached, helpless, and defeated, but you are not. You may feel like you are in the world—without God, forlorn, and beyond help—but you are not. You may feel like nothing good will ever happen to you again, but it doesn’t have to be that way. All is not lost—not even close, regardless of how desperate your circumstances appear.

As is so often the case, your recovery depends on how you choose to proceed. If you nurse your wounds and continue to blame your abuser, you can certainly do that. It’s your right, and it’s the path most people choose to follow, especially immediately after their painful experience.

Being angry is normal but, by becoming stuck in your anger, you will only experience one thing—bitterness. When bitterness clutches your soul, it diminishes the quality of your life, ensuring you will never become the person God intended you to be. Bitterness can run so deep it becomes as addictive as a controlled substance—a habit nearly impossible to break. Once it takes grip, it becomes part of you, diminishing every positive character quality you’ve ever possessed. It can even alter how you look, producing a sour, defeated countenance, which is certainly not what anybody wants.

Nothing good comes from it—nothing. If you’ve become bitter, it’s imperative that you make a conscious choice to break its hold upon you. Until that happens, no substantive recovery will be possible.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. (Ephesians 4:30-31)

—Jack Watts

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When Negative Energy Becomes Consuming

Refer to STEP 3: I accept that the responsibility for getting back on track is mine and no one else’s.

 

It is a tragic hour—that hour when we are finally driven to reckon with ourselves—when every avenue of mental distraction has been cut off and our own life and all its ineffaceable failures close about us like the walls of that old torture chamber of the Inquisition.

—Willa Cather

For those who have become embittered by being broken, resentment seems to consume them, and a look of self-pity acts like a force field, warning others to keep their distance. Such people act like “joy sponges,” as they suck all of the happiness and energy out of the room. You know people like this, don’t you? If you close your eyes, can you picture somebody who is like this? Is there anything that would ever make you want to be like this?

Of course not! Now, here is the good news: if you have ever been like this, you don’t have to continue. You do not need to feed self-pity, nor do you need consolation. Instead, you need to be congratulated.

God has allowed you to be stripped of all your pretentiousness. Now that you’ve bottomed out, you are ready to become everything He ever intended for you to be. With nothing to offer but yourself, you can bow your head and say, “Have mercy on me, Father. I’m completely undone.” When you can say this and mean it, God opens His arms, and the restoration process can begin. Until this happens, you haven’t hit bottom, and your problems will continue—perhaps even escalate.

The choice is yours. You can begin healing just as soon as you reach bottom, or you can wallow in your self-pity for another year or two—or twenty, pushing the people you love away. Which will it be?

My soul has been rejected from peace; I have forgotten happiness. So I say, ‘My strength has perished, and so has my hope from the Lord.’ The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. (Lamentations 3:17-18, 25)

—Jack Watts

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When Anger Becomes Debilitating

 

Father,

My anger is so consuming that

Toxic emotions rule my soul,

As I grit my teeth defiantly.

My fury clouds my judgment,

And my smile is far from my face.

Dark clouds diminish my countenance,

Warning others to stay clear.

I have vivid thoughts of revenge,

Of making my abusers pay a terrible price

For the injustice they’ve exacted upon me.

When I look in the mirror, I don’t like

The person I see—of the person I am becoming.

I spend my days feeding my anger,

Being consumed with hostile thoughts,

Which race repeatedly through my mind.

I’m consumed with retribution, enslaved by hatefulness.

I know that I’m not ready to forgive—not yet.

While I’m in this hostile state,

I need Your help more than ever.

Father, move me through this period quickly,

And allow me to forgive those—just like I’ve been forgiven.

While my anger dominates my consciousness,

Keep me from four things, from which there is no return:

From saying harsh words that can never be retrieved;

From wasting hours, fantasizing reprisals;

From self-defeating behavior because I am wounded;

And from wishing evil to come upon my adversaries.

—Jack Watts

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Review & Reflect 2.3

 

Father,

I’m admonished, “It’s all for a purpose,”

By friends who want to “fix me”

And lift the sorrow from my heart.

But it doesn’t help—

Nor does it ease my pain,

Not even a little.

I can pretend to understand my plight—

To know the lessons I’m being taught,

But I don’t—not really.

 

Question: Reflecting upon your situation, do you do you understand why it happened? Or, are you clueless? If the latter, ask God to give you insight into the reasons behind your experience.

When you come to the end of yourself—when you’ve bottomed out and feel certain your future will remain forever bleak, that’s when God becomes more real than ever. It’s also the time when He becomes free to change you in ways that count. Until a person reaches the end of himself or herself—until they hit absolute rock bottom, then their self-will, which is always ambitious, has ends of its own to serve.

Question: Have you bottomed out? Wouldn’t you like more joy and peace in your life than you’re experiencing?

Being angry is normal but, by becoming stuck in your anger, you will only experience one thing—bitterness. When bitterness clutches your soul, it diminishes the quality of your life, insuring that you will never become the person God intended you to be. Bitterness can run so deeply in you that it’s as addictive as a controlled substance—a habit nearly impossible to break. Once it takes grip, it becomes part of you, diminishing your capacity for every positive character quality you’ve ever possessed. It can even alter how you look, producing a sour, defeated countenance, which is certainly not what you want for yourself.

Journal: Only you know how bitter your heart really is. Take as much time as needed and write about it. Be as specific and detailed as you can and, above all, be candid and honest.

Now that you have gone through the difficulties associated with religious abuse, can you begin to see how much more valuable you’ve become? Can you understand why it was important for the abuse to have occurred? Can you begin to see why you are far more important to God than you were before your difficulties?

Journal: Take a few minutes and write down at least three ways your abuse has made you a better person. If you can’t think of any, it’s okay. Be honest about that as well.

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Brokenness Produces Character Qualities, which God Esteems in Men and Women

Refer to Step 10: I choose to believe God still has a purpose for my life—a purpose for good and not evil.

 

 

You’re afraid of making mistakes. Don’t be. Mistakes can be profited by.

—Ray Bradbury

 

In America, we have the notion that “flawless people” are the ones who should be in charge, which means that our elected officials and religious leaders are those who have no negative “check marks” next to their names. Somehow, being without blemish—at least outwardly—is a sign of being worthy to lead. Those who have experienced difficulties have a negative check mark against them, which makes them less desirable, whether as a political candidate or as a religious leader.

In God’s Kingdom, where all have sinned and fallen short of perfection, the exact opposite is true. It’s the people who have sinned much who have the capacity to love the most. They understand the value of being forgiven, of being restored, of being used by God.

Once a person has been broken of his or her self-will and self-serving ways, that person has a far greater capacity to seek God’s will. Brokenness produces character qualities, which God esteems in men and women, particularly as we face the daunting task of rescuing Christendom from narcissistic religious abusers and Pantheistic societal values.

It’s also true, as we attempt to wrestle control of our nation from those whose self-will and worldview is consistently at cross-purposes with God’s Word.

Now that you have gone through the difficulties associated with religious abuse:

• Can you begin to see how much more valuable you’ve become?
• Can you understand why it was important for the abuse to have occurred?
• Can you begin to see why you are far more important to God than you were before your difficulties?

Having experienced substantial recovery, you are in a unique position to help myriads of others who have had debilitating experiences equal to yours. Recognizing this, does the necessity of having gone “through the wringer” make sense to you now? If so, you are in a position to thank God for everything that has happened, and you can say, “Father, what’s the next thing You want me to do?”

I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me, and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the mirey clay; and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. (Psalm 40:1-2)

—Jack Watts   Recovering from Religious Abuse

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Choosing Bitterness Ensures You Will Remain Stuck

 

Refer to STEP 6: I abandon my desire to spread malice because of my pain and anger, and I chose to relinquish my right to be self-absorbed.

Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.

—Charlotte Bronte

Having established a relationship with God through faith, you already have everything you need to facilitate your recovery. It’s inside you. Because you are His child, possessing all the rights that entails, you can recover just as soon as you make the decision to do so.

This isn’t just the power of positive thinking or putting a constructive spin on your situation. It’s real, and you can count on it.

You may feel lost, detached, helpless, and defeated, but you are not. You may feel like you are in the world—without God, forlorn, and beyond help—but you are not. You may feel like nothing good will ever happen to you again, but it doesn’t have to be that way. All is not lost—not even close, regardless of how desperate your circumstances appear.

As is so often the case, your recovery depends on how you choose to proceed. If you nurse your wounds and continue to blame your abuser, you can certainly do that. It’s your right, and it’s the path most people choose to follow, especially immediately after their painful experience.

Being angry is normal but, by becoming stuck in your anger, you will only experience one thing—bitterness. When bitterness clutches your soul, it diminishes the quality of your life, ensuring you will never become the person God intended you to be. Bitterness can run so deep it becomes as addictive as a controlled substance—a habit nearly impossible to break. Once it takes grip, it becomes part of you, diminishing every positive character quality you’ve ever possessed. It can even alter how you look, producing a sour, defeated countenance, which is certainly not what anybody wants.

Nothing good comes from it—nothing. If you’ve become bitter, it’s imperative that you make a conscious choice to break its hold upon you. Until that happens, no substantive recovery will be possible.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. (Ephesians 4:30-31)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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For It to Be Abuse, Several Things Need to Occur

 

Refer to STEP4: I recognize that God is not the abuser; people who misuse their authority are the abusers.

One’s cruelty is one’s power and, when one parts with one’s cruelty, one parts with one’s power. When one has parted with that, I fancy one’s old and ugly.

 

—William Congreve

For religious abuse to occur, an attitude of arrogance, entitlement, and pride is required by a religious leader. If such an attitude doesn’t exist, then most abuse is accidental—not malicious. To be certain what’s really happening, it’s always wise to take a good, hard look at every pastor and ministry leader. Try to discern telltale signs of spiritual superiority. If you spot any self-serving or narcissistic characteristics, move on. It doesn’t matter how profound the person’s teaching may be or how loving he or she appears to be, it’s an illusion. Those who recognize the problem and make a stand for what is right are the ones who will be abused.

Here’s the way it works. Although people have differences of opinion, when one person’s opinion is routinely elevated above others and positioned as “God’s will,” then abusiveness often follows. The person who doesn’t buy into the program is not only rebuked; but by holding his or her ground in opposition, that person’s relationship with God is inevitably called into question. To criticize the minister—”the anointed one”— is perceived as criticizing God, making the person who disagrees have flawed, “sinful” character qualities.

Routinely, those who are in opposition are depicted as “carnal”—as purposefully going against God’s will. This makes the questioning person’s walk with the Lord appear to be defective, which is exactly how it is positioned by the abusive leader. When the abuser says, “I’ll pray for you, brother,” it is usually accompanied by a syrupy smile. When this happens, you can be certain that no prayers will be forthcoming—only character assassination.

The person asking hard questions becomes an “untouchable”—rejected by those who were co-laborers just a short time earlier. This kind of treatment happens routinely in ministries and churches, wounding people beyond their capacity to cope with life afterwards. When the process is complete, there is another person added to the ranks of the religiously abused.

Your boasting is not good. Do you know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough? Clean out the old leaven, that you may be a new lump, just as you are in fact unleavened. For Christ our Passover also has been sacrificed. Let us therefore celebrate the feast, not with old leaven, nor with the leaven of malice and wickedness, but with the unleavened bread of sincerity and truth. (I Corinthians 5:6-8)

—Jack Watts   Recovering from Religious Abuse

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Out of the Suffering of Deep Despair, a Valuable Life Will Emerge

Refer to STEP 2: I refuse to continue living my life pursuing self-defeating behavior.

Troubles come to us like mire and filth; but, when mingled with the soil, they change to flower and fruit.

—Henry Ward Beecher

When you come to the end of yourself—when you’ve bottomed out and feel certain your future will remain forever bleak—that’s when God becomes more real than ever. It’s also the time when He is freest to change you in ways that count. Until a person reaches the end of himself or herself—until a person hits absolute rock bottom—then their self-will, which is always ambitious, has ends of its own to serve.

People can’t help themselves. It is just part of human nature. At the same time, it’s only when a person has bottomed out that God has full sway in that person’s life.

It’s also the place where real, fundamental change in character can be achieved. It’s not an enjoyable place but, more often than not, it’s a necessary place. Being broken is always difficult but, when a person reaches that point, God is always there to meet them. It’s the place where a person is willing to admit his or her faults candidly—the place where self-seeking ends and reality begins.

When a person is broken, crushed by abuse and the vicissitudes of life, then change may be just around the corner. For transformation to occur, however, the person needs to embrace humility, while at the same time, repudiating self-pity. The former leads to growth; the latter to resentment, self-defeating behavior, and a wasted life.

Has this ever happened to you? If so, what you do with your situation is your choice. When you hit the bottom, you can do the work necessary for recovery, which is choosing a life of value—bearing worthwhile fruit, or you can wallow in your resentment, which produces the fruit of bitterness—wallowing in self-pity.

For Thou dost not delight in sacrifice, otherwise I would give it; Thou are not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, Thou wilt not despise. (Psalm 51:16-17)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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A Prayer for When Your Heart Is Broken

Father,

I feel so broken and despondent.

My body writhes with hopelessness,

Consumed with pain and anguish.

I have a sense of despair that

I fear may become overwhelming.

When will all of this end?

As I go about my day purposelessly,

Devoid of understanding—lacking joy,

I can still remember times of abundance.

My grief is ever before me,

Reminding me of my loss,

Robbing me of sleep,

Diminishing my countenance,

Telling me I have failed.

I’m thoughtlessly admonished,

“It’s all for a purpose, for something better.”

My well-meaning friends who want to “fix me,”

To lift the sorrow from my heart, but they cannot.

What they say and what they do doesn’t help—

Nor does it ease my pain, not even for a while.

I can pretend to comprehend my plight—

To know the lessons I am being taught,

But I don’t understand—not really.

My heart is broken, perhaps beyond repair.

I fear my plight will not change,

And I will never laugh as I once did.

As I languish in despair,

Crying out to You, begging for relief,

I fear You are not there or do not care.

You hear, but You do not answer.

I beseech, moan, cry and carp,

But You allow my pain to continue

Unabated, each day—long into the night.

Rescue me my Lord; rescue me quickly.

Put Your healing hand upon me,

And make me whole once again.

Teach me my lessons so that

I need never repeat them.

Take that which is broken

And mend it so that I will be whole,

Stronger, and more resilient than ever.

Empower me so that I may bless

Your name with gladness; then allow

My sadness to become a distant memory.

—Jack Watts   Real Prayers

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Review & Reflection: 2.2

Father,

I haven’t disregarded You purposefully,

But I haven’t made You a priority either.

Then, when everything in my life unravels,

When nothing works and everything

That can go wrong does go wrong,

My focus upon You becomes instantaneous,

And I immediately regret my capriciousness.

Question: Has this been your experience? Have you disregarded God, except for times when you needed Him? If so, take as much time as needed to tell Him exactly how you feel.

Although, you may want Him to leave you alone, He will not—not for long anyway. Perhaps you’re smiling as you read this. You know it’s true, don’t you? You’ve experienced God’s subtle presence when you’ve deliberately rebelled against Him. Am I right? When you want Him to “just go away,” why do you think He doesn’t?

Journal: Take as much time as you need with these questions, writing down your answers.

Before their world came crashing down, most of these people thought they had something significant to offer God. They were important; they brought substance to the table. Although they would never admit it publicly, many probably thought they were better than others.

Journal: Before your abusive experience, what was your level of arrogance? Be as candid and forthright as possible, and write down your answer.

Sitting on the bench as a spectator isn’t what the Coach wants from you. For your recovery to have lasting value, you need to put it to good use. God needs you, and He wants you back in the game.

Question: Do you remember when your life had positive purpose and vision? Wouldn’t you like it to be like that again? If so, take a few minutes and tell your Heavenly Father exactly how you feel. Tell Him exactly what you would like your life to be like.

If you care for your fellow man; if you have compassion for those caught in addiction, despair, or any acting-out behavior; if you routinely display love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness; you are walking the walk every day of your life—whether you say anything or not. You just don’t realize it most of the time.

 

Question: Are you “walking the walk” or just “talking the talk?” In your heart, you know the answer. Be honest with yourself and with God, telling Him what you would like for the future.

—Jack Watts

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Walking the Walk Works—Nothing Else Does

Refer to Step 10: I choose to believe God still has a purpose for my life—a purpose for good and not evil.

What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.

—Victor Frankl

How can you tell when someone is “walking the walk” and not just “talking the talk?” In recovery, as well as in every aspect of life, it’s an important question—one that requires answering each day of your life.

What you say is important, but what you do is far more important. If you care for your fellow man; if you have compassion for those caught in addiction, despair, or other acting-out behavior; if you routinely display love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness; you are walking the walk—even if you are silent about it. You just don’t realize it most of the time.

If your walk with God is shallow, if your beliefs are simplistic, and if you are unwilling to have your faith challenged or questioned, your recovery will be weak, fruitless, and easily derailed. To become everything you want to be and are capable of being, you must develop a strong relationship with the Lord. There’s simply no other way. You have to own it yourself for your recovery to have value.

Therefore, instead of proclaiming that which is not strong in your life with bumper stickers, tee shirts, Facebook posts, and canned answers, wouldn’t it be wise to strengthen your faith, rather than just drift along aimlessly, nursing grudges and acting like a victim?

Intellectually and philosophically, Christianity is time-weathered, profound, and enduring. At the same time, most Christians in America are unable to handle legitimate questions—questions that recovery demands.

Most of Christ’s disciples were ignorant men, but they changed the world. You can change your world, too. Before that can happen, however, you must strengthen your inner man by spending quality time with God. Without it, you’re destined to have thoughts no deeper than a bumper sticker slogan or a Facebook affirmation.

Only conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ; so that whether I come and see you or remain absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel. (Philippians 1:27)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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Nursing Your Wounds Isn’t a Good Purpose for Life

 

Refer to STEP 2: I refuse to continue living my life pursuing self-defeating behavior.

Religion is for people who are afraid they’ll go to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.

—Anonymous

One of the characteristics of someone who has experienced religious abuse is a blithe, disconnected attitude, making him or her unwilling to take a firm stand about anything. Having experienced shame and rejection from those they once loved and trusted, being strong and committed to anything is the furthest thing from the wounded person’s minds.

Although they may have a clear understanding of what is right and wrong, they have stopped being active participants, unwilling to act upon their convictions. Except for whining, complaining, and faultfinding, their prayers would be virtually non-existent. Having been wounded, they embrace a life of anonymity and obscurity. Pursuing a course that requires taking a firm stand about right versus wrong is for others—not for them.

There’s only one problem with this strategy. It is never God’s will for His people to remain stagnant, nursing their wounds for the remainder of their lives. That’s why recovery is so important.

If this describes you, God is calling you—right this minute. He wants you to be a loyal son or daughter and stand firm for His purposes.

Obviously, anybody who has been wounded needs time to heal, but a convalescence of years—perhaps decades—is too long. You need to rouse yourself and get back into the fray. That doesn’t mean you should re-submit to an abusive religious leader, which you should never do, but it does mean you need to bow your knee to God and ask Him what He wants you to do next.

Once you’ve done that, it’s time to get to work. You have more to offer than you realize, and there are millions of desperate people who can benefit from the wisdom you’ve obtained through your abusive experience.

Sitting on the bench as a spectator isn’t what God wants from you. For your recovery to have lasting value, you need to put it to good use. God needs you, and He wants you back in the game.

He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love Me?” Peter was grieved because He said to him the third time, “Do you love Me?” And he said to Him, “Lord, You know all things; You know that I love You.” Jesus said to him, “Tend My sheep.” (John 21:17)

—Jack Watts   Recovering from Religious Abuse

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When You Are Broken, Your Self-Importance Atrophies

 

Refer to STEP 3: I accept that the responsibility for getting back on track is mine and no one else’s.

Proud people breed sad sorrows for themselves.

—Emily Bronte

In recovery—any kind of recovery—people must learn to embrace their brokenness rather than resent it. If they don’t, they develop an attitude of self-pity, which nearly always leads to relapse. Resentment doesn’t work—never has, never will. Acceptance does.

When you are in the depths of despair, you have a choice to make. You can learn to be at peace with your circumstances, or you can nurture your sense of wounded-ness. Although nobody likes being down, it’s where you can learn the most about life and about who you really are.

When a person has been shattered, broken, and discarded, all pretentiousness leaves them. They cease being puffed up and arrogant. When you look at them, you can tell they have been reduced to practically nothing emotionally. Such broken-heartedness is difficult to miss. The person’s countenance seems to even diminish—like a deflated balloon.

Before their world came crashing down, most of these people thought they had something significant to offer God. They were important; they brought substance to the table. Although they would never admit it publicly, they thought they were better than others. You can picture someone like this, can’t you?

The world is full of men and women with perspectives like this. Have you had experience with a person like this? If you’re being completely honest, are you still one of them?

If so, you can understand how an abused person could become resentful, can’t you? After all that you’ve experienced, do you still have grandiose thoughts? Or, has that stage of your life passed? Do you feel defeated, without purpose, and hopeless? Has your self-esteem taken a big hit? Do people feel sorry for you because of all that you’ve been through?

If this has been your experience, what should your reaction be? How do you think you should proceed? Your answer will tell you how far you have come on the road to recovery.

When my heart was embittered, and I was pierced within, then I was senseless and ignorant; I was like a beast before Thee. Nevertheless I am continually with Thee; Thou hast taken hold of my right hand. With Thy counsel Thou wilt guide me, and afterward receive me to glory. (Psalm 73:21-24)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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God Is Always There, Regardless of What Happens

 

Refer to STEP 3: I accept that the responsibility for getting back on track is mine and no one else’s.

Through the clouds of midnight,

This bright promise shone,

I will never leave thee,

Never leave thee alone.

—Anonymous

It’s comforting to know God is always with you—no matter what. When you’re wounded, however, especially by a Christian leader you once trusted, there are times you wish God would just leave you alone. You’ve had it, and all you want to do is run away from anything that has to do with God. The thought of anything religious makes you sick, doesn’t it? Have you ever felt this way?

I certainly have—many times. When I did, all I wanted was for God to go away and leave me alone.

Fortunately, He doesn’t go away, even when you wish He would. When He says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” it wasn’t an empty promise. He meant it. You can count on it when you want to and also when you don’t.

Although, you may want Him to leave you alone, He will not—not for long anyway. Perhaps you’re smiling as you read this. You know it’s true, don’t you? You’ve experienced God’s subtle presence when you’ve deliberately rebelled against Him. Am I right?

In your heart, when you say; “Just leave me alone,” why do you think He doesn’t?

It’s because He loves —exactly the way you are. You have value to Him, and He has a purpose for your life. There are times when you may not believe it, but it’s true nonetheless.

The Lord paid a high price for you and, because you belong to Him, He’s not about to give up on you. Remember this the next time you decide to “go off the deep end.” You can take all of your anger and hostility out on God, if that’s what you want. You can even engage in self-destructive behavior if you like. But that’s the problem with being a Christian. Sin just isn’t as much fun as it used to be. Because you know too much to enjoy dissipation for long, it leaves you with a feeling of emptiness and worthlessness, and you know it.

O Lord, Thou hast searched me and known me. Thou dost know when I sit down and when I rise up; Thou dost understand my thoughts from afar. Thou dost scrutinize my path and my lying down, and art intimately acquainted with all my ways. (Psalm 139:1-3)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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