Review & Reflect 2.3

 

Father,

I’m admonished, “It’s all for a purpose,”

By friends who want to “fix me”

And lift the sorrow from my heart.

But it doesn’t help—

Nor does it ease my pain,

Not even a little.

I can pretend to understand my plight—

To know the lessons I’m being taught,

But I don’t—not really.

 

Question: Reflecting upon your situation, do you do you understand why it happened? Or, are you clueless? If the latter, ask God to give you insight into the reasons behind your experience.

When you come to the end of yourself—when you’ve bottomed out and feel certain your future will remain forever bleak, that’s when God becomes more real than ever. It’s also the time when He becomes free to change you in ways that count. Until a person reaches the end of himself or herself—until they hit absolute rock bottom, then their self-will, which is always ambitious, has ends of its own to serve.

Question: Have you bottomed out? Wouldn’t you like more joy and peace in your life than you’re experiencing?

Being angry is normal but, by becoming stuck in your anger, you will only experience one thing—bitterness. When bitterness clutches your soul, it diminishes the quality of your life, insuring that you will never become the person God intended you to be. Bitterness can run so deeply in you that it’s as addictive as a controlled substance—a habit nearly impossible to break. Once it takes grip, it becomes part of you, diminishing your capacity for every positive character quality you’ve ever possessed. It can even alter how you look, producing a sour, defeated countenance, which is certainly not what you want for yourself.

Journal: Only you know how bitter your heart really is. Take as much time as needed and write about it. Be as specific and detailed as you can and, above all, be candid and honest.

Now that you have gone through the difficulties associated with religious abuse, can you begin to see how much more valuable you’ve become? Can you understand why it was important for the abuse to have occurred? Can you begin to see why you are far more important to God than you were before your difficulties?

Journal: Take a few minutes and write down at least three ways your abuse has made you a better person. If you can’t think of any, it’s okay. Be honest about that as well.

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God Is Always There, Regardless of What Happens

 

Refer to STEP 3: I accept that the responsibility for getting back on track is mine and no one else’s.

Through the clouds of midnight,

This bright promise shone,

I will never leave thee,

Never leave thee alone.

—Anonymous

It’s comforting to know God is always with you—no matter what. When you’re wounded, however, especially by a Christian leader you once trusted, there are times you wish God would just leave you alone. You’ve had it, and all you want to do is run away from anything that has to do with God. The thought of anything religious makes you sick, doesn’t it? Have you ever felt this way?

I certainly have—many times. When I did, all I wanted was for God to go away and leave me alone.

Fortunately, He doesn’t go away, even when you wish He would. When He says, “I will never leave you nor forsake you,” it wasn’t an empty promise. He meant it. You can count on it when you want to and also when you don’t.

Although, you may want Him to leave you alone, He will not—not for long anyway. Perhaps you’re smiling as you read this. You know it’s true, don’t you? You’ve experienced God’s subtle presence when you’ve deliberately rebelled against Him. Am I right?

In your heart, when you say; “Just leave me alone,” why do you think He doesn’t?

It’s because He loves —exactly the way you are. You have value to Him, and He has a purpose for your life. There are times when you may not believe it, but it’s true nonetheless.

The Lord paid a high price for you and, because you belong to Him, He’s not about to give up on you. Remember this the next time you decide to “go off the deep end.” You can take all of your anger and hostility out on God, if that’s what you want. You can even engage in self-destructive behavior if you like. But that’s the problem with being a Christian. Sin just isn’t as much fun as it used to be. Because you know too much to enjoy dissipation for long, it leaves you with a feeling of emptiness and worthlessness, and you know it.

O Lord, Thou hast searched me and known me. Thou dost know when I sit down and when I rise up; Thou dost understand my thoughts from afar. Thou dost scrutinize my path and my lying down, and art intimately acquainted with all my ways. (Psalm 139:1-3)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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Review & Reflection 2.1

Father,

I feel so helpless.

I’m afraid of so many things.

I’m afraid of people and of being alone,

Of never experiencing happiness again,

Of not having enough money, and of the unknown.

Father, it seems like the list never ends,

And I lack the strength to help myself.

Question: What frightens you the most? Name at least two or three things.

After being abused, the most important thing is take care of yourself emotionally. This is especially true when the abuse has been recent. The importance of self-care is essential in the healing process. Often, the hurt and pain are so severe just making it through the day is all a person can do.

Question: What are some specific things you can do today to take care of your emotional needs? Try to think of something you know you should be doing but haven’t. Now, do it today and for the following week.

But why didn’t God rescue you? He could have, but He chose not to. Instead, He treated you like a son or a daughter and allowed you to suffer at the hands of a ruthless, self-serving religious leader—just like He allowed His Son to suffer at the hands of the Pharisees. God could have rescued Jesus, but He didn’t.

Question: Have you ever considered that during your abuse God treated you like a son or a daughter and didn’t abandon you, as you were certain He has done?

It’s normal to go through a myriad of emotions after abuse, including all the stages of grief; but at the other end, we have to come to the place where we are willing to risk everything again. We have to believe God still has us in the palm of His Hand and nothing can separate us from His love and purpose. It doesn’t mean we have to put ourselves back in an abusive situation, but it does mean we have to be willing to take another chance.

Question: Are you willing to take a chance on God again? Be honest. Write down exactly how you feel and keep your answer. It will be interesting to see if you feel the same way this time next year.

Because of failures in the past, most recovering Christians believe their future should be limited as well, which seems appropriate to them. Having already acknowledged their wrongdoing, most cannot accept the fact they have been forgiven. They have been restored completely, and there is nothing that can hold them back other than themselves.

Question: Is this you? Because of your experience, do you feel so worthless and ashamed that you believe your future should be limited? Which is it—yes or no?        

—Jack Watts   Resources

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Learning to Trust Again, after Being Abused

Refer to Step 10: I believe that God still has a purpose for my life—a purpose for good and not evil.

 

If a man is going to do anything worthwhile, there are times when he has to risk everything on his leap, and in the spiritual domain, Jesus Christ demands that you risk everything you hold by common sense and leap into what He says, and immediately you do, you find that what He says fits on as solidly as common sense.

—Oswald Chambers

Going through an abusive situation is never something a person plans to do. Obviously, it’s an unwanted experience. When it occurs, it’s generally considered to be a detour, an unwanted bump in the road, surprising the abused person.

At the same time, there are no accidents with God. Everything has a purpose, including many unpleasant circumstances, including abuse. If you learn to go with the flow—to believe God still loves you and has a constructive plan for your life—you are definitely on the right track.

It’s normal to go through a myriad of emotions after abuse, including the stages of grief, but when the process is complete, you must come to the place where you are willing to risk everything again. You must trust that God still has you in the palm of His Hand and nothing can separate you from His love and purpose. This doesn’t mean you have to return to an abusive situation, but it does mean you have to be willing to take another leap of faith, depending on God as you do.

God is committed to developing your character, making you into everything He intended for you to be. His goal is for you to be rich in character qualities such as love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness. This is always His goal, never for anything less. Knowing God is with you and for you, regardless of the circumstance, makes trusting Him your wisest option, even after a spouse or a trusted religious leader has been abusive.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? (Romans 8:31-31)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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If It Contradicts God’s Word, Reject It or Pay a Terrible Price

 

Refer to STEP 1: I acknowledge that my life is shipwrecked and not where I want it to be.

I never trust people’s assertions; I always judge them by their actions.

—Ann Radcliffe

Throughout Scripture, we are taught to welcome strangers, clothe the naked, and give of ourselves to those in need. Christ taught us what we do for the “least of these” is what we do for Him. The church is tasked to be the voice for the voiceless and a defender of the afflicted. When it works, it’s beautiful, but when it doesn’t, dysfunction prevails.

Most of the dysfunction results from fallen man behaving accordingly. Sometimes, it’s much worse than that.

That’s when abusiveness becomes a problem. Because many Christians are young and inexperienced, they accept beliefs that contradict God’s Word. When they ask their trusted leaders to explain what’s happening, the explanations they receive often contradict sound teaching.

If this happens to you, you should run. Unfortunately, that’s not what usually happens. Instead, most re-sell themselves about what’s occurring, making the leader’s error a cherished belief instead of what it is—a destructive distortion. That’s where the problem begins.

Lack of familiarity with the Scriptures makes naïve Christian’s easy prey for abusive leaders—those who know the Bible just well enough to distort it. Because of this, it’s easy to abuse young, trusting believers. The end result is a shipwrecked life for each person who falls victim to the abuser.

Has this been your experience? If so, recovering from a situation where you trusted an abusive authority figure can be very difficult. Your soul is burned with scar tissue covering the wound, and you become skeptical and jaded for a long, long time. By recognizing this is where you are, however, you have taken the first step in your recovery.

I know that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves men will arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after them. Therefore, be on the alert. (Acts 20:29-31a)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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Learning to Listen

 

Refer to Step 8: I will share my experience and my own wrongdoing with a trusted friend, confessing the exact state of my heart.

 

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.

—Ernest Hemingway

 

Perhaps the greatest service you can provide to another human being is to listen to them—to listen to what they are really saying. In Christian circles, the art of listening is not promoted as much as it should be. For those of us who have worked the 11 Steps to recovering from religious abuse, however, there is very little that is as important as listening. We know how life is for those who have had their walk with the lord derailed by an abuser.

Because it has happened to us, we are well positioned to help others get back on track with the Lord. The importance of developing good listening skills cannot be overestimated. When someone is abused, he or she routinely resorts to self-defeating behavior to medicate their pain. This behavior—whether it involves sex, alcohol, drugs, pornography, over spending, or over eating—creates feelings of guilt and low self-esteem in the life of the abused person, making them feel like they are as worthless as their abuser told them they were.

Experiencing a mountain of guilt—based on their behavior—the abused person becomes extremely self-protective. They also become reluctant to open up to anybody, especially to a Christian. They are fearful of further abuse and of being judged harshly. They may talk but, more often than not, they will never open up willingly or their vulnerable hearts.

You have to earn that right, and the only was to do so is by listening to them. Once you have established trust, they will open up to you much more freely. Because there is such a need, those of us in recovery must be quick to listen, while never being judgmental of the wounded person. If you can learn to do this, you will be of great value to the Lord. Remember, He already has plenty of people who are quick to condemn those who are wounded and hurting.

This you know, my beloved brethren. But let every one be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. (James 1:19)

—Jack Watts

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Discerning Financial Abusiveness

 

Refer to Step 4: I recognize that God is not the abuser; rather, people who misuse their authority are the abusers.

 

The love for material things grows like a fungus in the soul and destroys the loveliness of the human heart utterly.

—Caryll Houselander

Ask yourself this: when you see a ministry or church that focuses on stewardship, have you ever seen the leader show any indications of impoverishment? Is there any sign of legitimate need, or does the leader look like a million dollars? Be certain to take a long, hard, and appraising look. Does the leader have a new car? A Rolex? A diamond pinky ring? A magnificent home? Custom made clothes? Does his or her life ooze with “the finer things of life?”

If the answer to any of these questions—or all of them—is yes, then those who follow leaders like these are being religiously abused, whether they recognize it or not. Does this situation seem similar? If so, you’re not alone. It’s common, especially among those who preach the Prosperity Gospel.

It’s a house of cards that’s destructive to every one who has any part of it. If you ask the spiritual leader about his or her display of materialism, they will probably say, “It’s proof of God’s blessing.” Then, they will be quick to add, “You can also receive abundance like this, if you will give, expecting great things in return.”

If you use your head and think for yourself, you’ll recognize this is proof the leader is adept at manipulating people to make sacrificial gifts to the ministry. Those who give, however, are not innocent in this scenario. They are giving with the expectation of abundance to follow, which means it’s not true giving but a quid pro quo barter with God.

Examine your own conscience about this. When you give, is it really giving, or is it giving to get something in return? If it’s the latter, it’s materialism motivated by greed, and that’s never Christ-like. It doesn’t count for anything other than your ability to be manipulated by an abusive religious leader.

And He said to them, “Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.” (Luke 12:15)

—Jack Watts

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How Is Cheating People Out Of What They Are Owed Ever God’s Will

 

Refer to Step 6: I made a commitment to turn away from my pride and refused to become just like those who abused me.

 

He who is false to present duty breaks a thread in the loom, and will find the flaw when he may have forgotten its cause.

—Henry Ward Beecher

Much of the spiritual abuse, which debilitates thousands, comes from leaders of non-profit Christian ministries. Part of the problem stems from a mind-set that validates the belief that the ends justify the means. Because the ministry is doing God’s work, many leaders have myopic vision and a cavalier attitude about financial compensation for work they’ve contracted. In an effort to be wise and frugal with “God’s money,” they authorize work they never pay for—not completely anyway.

Reasoning that the ministry goals supersede the need to be fundamentally fair with those who labor for them, they cheat people out of what they are owed and think they are being obedient to the Lord when they do so. Often, they applaud such decisions, counting the money saved by their egregious behavior as a sign of godly stewardship.

Forgetting that a workman is worthy of his or her wages, they may even smile with self-satisfaction, considering their actions laudable. This attitude, which is deeply resented by those who have labored in good faith, is sinful and never God’s will. In my three decades of working with ministries, however, I have seen hundreds of people abused this way. It’s wrong and there’s no way to make cheating people out of what they are owed God’s will. Nevertheless, ministries nationwide do it routinely, creating devastating emotional carnage in their wake.

Render to all what is due them: tax to whom tax is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor. Owe nothing to anyone except to love one another; for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the law. (Romans 12:7-8)

—Jack Watts

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Narcissistic Christian Abusers

 

Refer to Step 4: I recognize that God is not the abuser; rather, people who misuse their authority are the abusers.

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth.

—Henry David Thoreau

Have you ever asked yourself why there are so many church people who have been abused? According to one poll, there may be as many as 40 million people who have left the churches of their youth—many because of one form of abuse or another. People wonder, “How can there be so much abusiveness in Christianity?”

I believe I have the answer—at least in part.

It’s because numerous church leaders stop walking in the light. They believe they are, but they are not. They believe they do, but they do not. Having once had a transforming experience, they enshrine it, which provides them with a sense of superiority. They also exalt their educational acumen, which adds to their sense of arrogance. Coupled with their experience, it validates their self-serving actions, which are often insensitive and abrasive to simple churchgoers.

Because of their “profound experience” and their elevated leadership stature, in their eyes, anything they do is justified. After all, they’ve “been chosen” to lead. They forget their walk is moment-by-moment, with the Lord providing illumination for the next step forward and nothing else. They forget they need grace and mercy just like everyone else. Because they believe they are superior, they treat others with less importance. Although they would not admit it publically, to those chosen to lead, they believe that being a follower is a lesser calling.

Such leaders lose their compassion. When someone gets in their way, they have no problem crushing that person’s spirit. They are convinced it is their right and duty to do so—self-absorbed as they are. Because they’ve institutionalized their experience, it becomes metallic and harsh, rather than vibrant and altruistic. Sadly, they flaunt their authority, while promoting themselves as humble servants of God.

For there are many rebellious men, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision, who must be silenced because they are upsetting whole families, teaching things they should not teach, for the sake of sordid gain. (Titus 1:10-11)

—Jack Watts

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The Mindset of a Religious Abuser

 

Refer to Step 4: I recognize that God is not the abuser; people who misuse their authority are the abusers.

 

Pride erects a little kingdom of its own, and acts as sovereign in it.

—William Hazlitt

Nearly every minister can point to a time when they first realized God wanted them to serve in the ministry. Even those who become abusive can point to their calling with certainty. That’s what makes their dysfunction so difficult for them to realize. They believe they are being faithful to their calling. Consequently, they never question their motives or their goals.

Because they have been “called” to do what they do, when a conflict arises, it’s never their problem. It’s always the other person who is wrong—not them. The problem is with those who criticize their leading, whether blatantly or subtly. Because the other person doesn’t follow their lead—blindly, without question—that person is the one who must be wrong, making the criticism these people receive deserved. Consequently, such leaders believe their abusiveness is sanctioned—even justified. That is why they never feel guilty about how they treat others. This is how narcissists think, exactly how they think.

For an abuser, there is rarely much grey area. You are either with them or against them. If you are in opposition, you might as well be questioning God Himself. Because God has “told them” what to do, any criticism of their agenda is met with harsh rebuke; but that’s not all. That’s just the beginning of their abusive treatment.

The person who doesn’t buy into the program is not only rebuked, but his or her relationship with God is also called into question and is criticized either overtly or subtly. To question the leader is perceived as questioning God, making the person who disagrees have flawed character qualities. Routinely, those who are in opposition are depicted as “carnal”—as purposefully being antagonistic toward God’s will.

This makes the questioning person’s walk with the Lord appear defective. As such, the person’s character is castigated, and they are eventually discarded and shunned—just as a leper would be in India. The person asking hard questions becomes an “untouchable”—rejected by those who were co-laborers just a short time earlier.

This kind of treatment happens routinely in ministries and churches, wounding people beyond their ability to cope with the condemnation they receive.

Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. (James 3:13-14)

—Jack Watts   My Story

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Calculating an Advantage Is Never God’s Will

 

Refer to Step 3: I accept that the responsibility for getting back on track is mine and no one else’s.

 

It is one of the worst effects of prosperity to make a man a vortex instead of a fountain; so that, instead of throwing out, he learns only to draw in.

—Henry Ward Beecher

Unfortunately, this generation of Christians has proven to be one of the weakest of all time. While there are millions who call themselves God’s children, most lead lives similar to people who have no interest in God or Christianity. Most Americans are hardened materialists, and so are most Christians.

Today’s Christians seek an advantage in everything they do, precisely like non-Christians. When Christians give, they expect something in return. In their minds, they cogitate; “If I give this, what will God do for me in return?” Or, “If I do what You ask, Lord, how will it enhance my position in the church and the community?”

Such people might couch their calculations in noble, selfless terms, precisely like a Pharisee would have in Christ’s day, but at the core of their being, they are calculating a profit or something that will elevate their status. This is the generation of “What is in it for me?”

If this is true for rank and file believers, and it is, then it’s even truer for religious leaders. In nearly everything they do, there is a self-seeking component.

This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be, and none of it furthers God’s work on earth. Plus, it’s why there is so much religious abuse. When Christians—leaders and followers—are self-seeking, nobody wins, especially the Lord. If Christianity is about anything, it’s serving others, expecting nothing in return.

Christian leaders talk about being the servants of all but, by their actions, they are anything but servants. They enhance their status by using, abusing, and discarding those who get in their way to personal fulfillment.

For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of the cross of Christ, whose end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is their shame, who set their minds on earthly things. For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. (Philippians 3:18-20)

—Jack Watts   My Abuse

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Week 30 Recovery Exercises

Father,

You have made it crystal clear that

I could not nurse my wounds in solitude,

Nor enjoy the bitter fruit of self-pity.

Instead, You insisted that I “suck it up” and be a man,

Stretching me far beyond my comfort zone,

Insisting that I be more honest and vulnerable

Than I have ever been in my entire life.

You guided me, leading me to do

The next right thing, regardless of what

The consequences might be, regardless of the outcome.

Thank You for always being there and for being real.

 Question: Has this ever been your experience? Have you been stretched far beyond your comfort zone? Are you being stretched right now? Think about these questions for a few minutes before you answer.

If everything is going well and there is no stress or conflict in your life, there’s no way for you to grow. Stress produces an opportunity for maturation. Without it, you would become stagnant and stop growing. You’ve heard the expression, “No pain . . . no gain.” It’s not in the Scriptures, but it’s certainly what most of us have experienced.

Journal: Write about how a stressful situation in your life produced growth. 

From God’s perspective, building you from the inside out is far more important than proving you right to the world. If you understand this and accept it, this part of renewing your mind will be complete, and you will be well on your road to recovery.

Question: Do you recognize that God’s hand is busy in your life, making you stronger—making you more mature?

“You’re stronger—both of you. I can see it and so can everyone else. Your heart for the Lord has been strengthened by this experience, as well as your heart for one another. That’s what God wants, and He will allow you to go through as much sorrow and pain as necessary to produce it. It creates character, which is highly valued by Him.”

Question: Has God allowed you to go through an experience where you were required to grow like this? Read the quote a second time and write about what comes to mind.

Now that you have gone through the difficulties associated with religious abuse, can you begin to see your value? Can you understand why it was important for the abuse to occur? Can you begin to see why you are far more important to God than you were before your difficult experiences.

Journal: Write about each of the questions asked.

—Jack Watts   Recommended Resources

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Christian Narcissism

Refer to Step 4: I choose to believe what God says about Himself: that He is good and can be trusted. I recognize that God is not the abuser; rather, people who misuse their authority are the abusers.

 

He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.

—Douglas Adams

The problem with narcissistic ministry leaders is that, because the success of their calling is so evident, they consider the way they think to be “normal,” which it most certainly is not. They also believe their behavior is acceptable, no matter how outrageous it may be. They are entitled to behave in ways they condemn in others. It’s not that they are simply selfish or obtuse. They really believe they have the right to behave the way they do.

In a generic sense, they will admit that they make a “lot of mistakes,” but they rarely admit to a specific error. This is what makes their mindset a personality disorder and not just a personality eccentricity. It’s who they are.

To those who have been abused by narcissistic religious leaders, the wounds produced by their interpersonal experiences run deep. Co-laboring with a narcissist can be confusing, stressful, and painful. It can debilitate an abused person’s relationship with God for years—sometimes decades. The abused person ends up blaming God as well as the narcissist, creating dysfunction, which spills over into every area of his or her life. It can also lead a person into alcoholism and other self-destructive behaviors—all in an effort to cope with the pain associated with working for a narcissist.

If this has been your experience, you know the depth of disillusionment you’ve experienced. You have a right to be angry, but there’s no value in remaining stuck because of it. You must do whatever is necessary to purge yourself of the poison from your encounter, as you repeatedly tell yourself that your wounds came from the hand of a flawed human and not from God.

For it is not an enemy who reproaches me, then I could bear it; nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, then I could hide myself from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion and my familiar friend. We who had sweet fellowship together, walked in the house of God in the throng. (Psalm 54:12-14)

—Jack Watts   Recommended Resources

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Narcissistic Ministers

Refer to Step 6: I refuse to become like those who have abused me and abandon my desire to spread malice because of my pain and my anger.

Many a man’s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

— Elbert Hubbard

One of the origins of spiritual abuse comes from the narcissistic men and women who lead Christian ministries. The problem, which happens quite often, stems from a mind-set that equates the minister’s viewpoint with God’s viewpoint. In a de facto sense, they become one in the same. Consequently, these leaders come to believe that the ends—their ends—justify the means because they are certain these ends are God’s purposes as well. As these Christian leaders view it, because they are doing God’s work, whatever they do is sanctioned, authorized, and justifiable.

For example, leaders like these have a cavalier attitude about financial compensation for outsourced work. In an effort to be wise and frugal with “God’s money,” they contract work they never pay for—not completely. Reasoning that the ministry goals supersede the need to be fundamentally fair with those who labor for them, they frequently cheat people out of what they are owed and believe they are being obedient to the Lord by their behavior. When asked about a legitimate bill by a cheated vendor, they become offended.

This is how they view it: because they are pursuing God’s goals, their calling is higher than those who work for them. In this arrogant perspective, the religious leaders don’t believe treating their vendors ethically is required, and they don’t. This attitude, which is deeply resented by those who work for them in good faith, is never God’s will.

In my three decades of working with ministries, I have seen dozens of examples of this type of abuse. Ministries all over America do it routinely, creating emotional carnage in their wake. Sadly, those, who have been cheated by a narcissist, blame God for the offense. Being offended, these victims cast aside a life of faith, embracing cynicism instead. More than any other thing, this produces people who have become jaded by serving Christian ministries. It’s wrong at so many levels; it’s difficult to list them all.

The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart. I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results of his deeds. (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

—Jack Watts   Recommended Resources

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Motives Count

Refer to Step 3: I accept that the responsibility for getting back on track is mine and no one else’s.

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.

—Dorothy Bernard

There are a number of reasons why trusting, naive Christians put themselves in harm’s way, submitting themselves to religious abusers. Perhaps the greatest is that the motives of many innocent people are self-serving. Fr most, it’s a flaw they fail to recognize.

Many religious leaders, especially those with “electric ministries,” appear to have it all together. They are sharp, smart, personable, and very successful. Plus, they are believers, which makes their purpose and lifestyle very attractive. Wanting to be part of something that’s a “winner,” many follow after leaders like these—just like the children who followed the Pied Pier. Wanting to have it all—the lust of the eye, the lust of the flesh, and the boastful pride of life—Christians follow after superstars expecting God to bless them in the same way.

In their hearts, they elevate worldly values and come to believe material rewards are a legitimate fruit of God’s Spirit, which they are not. Because their thinking and values are fundamentally flawed; at some point, they are destined to crash. When that happens, their confidence in God becomes shaken, and they blame Him, along with their Pied Piper who was responsible for leading them astray.

The time following their disillusionment is like wandering lost in the desert. They are without direction, devoid of understanding and without intention. After spending substantial time in this situation, if the person begins to ask hard questions about their true purpose, they will begin to experience God’s purpose for their life again—but in a much simpler, more authentic way. Once they get over their grandiosity and have bottomed out, God can speak to them in a way they are willing to hear. Until then, their situation will remain dismal and bleak.

O God, Thou art my God; I shall seek Thee earnestly; My soul thirsts for Thee, my flesh yearns for Thee, in a dry and weary land where there is no water. Thus I have beheld Thee in the sanctuary, to see Thy power and Thy glory. (Psalm 63:1-2)

—Jack Watts   Recommended Resources

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