After Abuse, Being Gentle with Yourself Works

 

Refer to STEP 4: I choose to believe what God says about Himself: that He is good and can be trusted. I recognize that God is not the abuser; rather, people who misuse their authority are the abusers.

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them—every day, begin the task anew.

—Saint Francis de Sales, Bishop of Geneva

When a person’s abuse has been recent, it’s difficult to hear that God has a purpose for allowing it. He does; but it seems particularly cold and unfeeling to hear it expressed. Perhaps it’s better to say that He might want to use this experience in a person’s life a little further down the road than what that person might be able to understand, when the pain is still acute.

As one woman expressed it, “I’m not sure I could have believed or recognized there was a purpose in my abuse when it first occurred. I’m afraid I would have been mad at God for letting it happen because of some big plan He had for my life.”

A response such as this one is typical. After being abused, the most important thing for a person to do is take care of himself or herself emotionally. This is especially true when the abuse has been recent. The importance of self-care is essential in the healing process. Often, the hurt and pain are so severe that just making it through the day is all a person can do. If that’s all you can do, you need to be gentle with yourself and let it be enough. It’s okay, especially when you’re fragile and vulnerable.

In my own case, I spent nearly a year unable to do much more than take it one day at a time. It’s essential to take care of yourself. In fact, it’s your most important responsibility; some days, it’s your only responsibility.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. (Psalm 23:1-3)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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The Only Outcome You Can Control Is Your Reaction

 

Refer to Step 10: I choose to believe God still has a purpose for my life—a purpose for good and not evil.

I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.

—Thomas Paine

The Scriptures teach us to “count it all joy” when we experience difficult “trials” in our lives. When you read this for the first time, it seems like it must be a typo, doesn’t it? In your mind you say, Surely, God doesn’t expect me to count it all joy when I’ve lost my job, my house, my child, or my health, does He?

As difficult as it seems, that’s precisely what He wants you to do—to count it all joy. Simply because you do not see a way out of an encumbering circumstance doesn’t mean there isn’t one. God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and He knows the outcome. From His perspective, it’s already a done deal. All He is waiting for is for you to fall in line.

The way to fall in line is by putting everything in His hands, especially the outcome, which you have no control over anyway. Look to Him; thank Him for your circumstances; and fall in step by doing the next right thing. When you do, numerous character qualities will be enhanced within you.

Everybody has trials. Everybody has disappointments. Everybody has failures. It’s what you do with them that counts. If you chafe, becoming bitter and petulant, you will have failed to grow in an area where you need to mature. This means you need to repeat the exercise—like a student who needs to retake a failed course. The choice is yours: you can either demonstrate wisdom, by “counting it all joy” when difficulties arise, or you can continue to repeat your mistakes.

I’ve gone through many trials with mixed results. Like most, I’ve chafed more than I should have, which has meant I’ve been forced to repeat the learning process numerous times. Now, when difficulties come my way, I choose to repeat this chorus:

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord blessed be Your name.

In everything give thanks; for this is God’s well for you in Christ Jesus. (I Thessalonians 5:18)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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If It Contradicts God’s Word, Reject It or Pay a Terrible Price

 

Refer to STEP 1: I acknowledge that my life is shipwrecked and not where I want it to be.

I never trust people’s assertions; I always judge them by their actions.

—Ann Radcliffe

Throughout Scripture, we are taught to welcome strangers, clothe the naked, and give of ourselves to those in need. Christ taught us what we do for the “least of these” is what we do for Him. The church is tasked to be the voice for the voiceless and a defender of the afflicted. When it works, it’s beautiful, but when it doesn’t, dysfunction prevails.

Most of the dysfunction results from fallen man behaving accordingly. Sometimes, it’s much worse than that.

That’s when abusiveness becomes a problem. Because many Christians are young and inexperienced, they accept beliefs that contradict God’s Word. When they ask their trusted leaders to explain what’s happening, the explanations they receive often contradict sound teaching.

If this happens to you, you should run. Unfortunately, that’s not what usually happens. Instead, most re-sell themselves about what’s occurring, making the leader’s error a cherished belief instead of what it is—a destructive distortion. That’s where the problem begins.

Lack of familiarity with the Scriptures makes naïve Christian’s easy prey for abusive leaders—those who know the Bible just well enough to distort it. Because of this, it’s easy to abuse young, trusting believers. The end result is a shipwrecked life for each person who falls victim to the abuser.

Has this been your experience? If so, recovering from a situation where you trusted an abusive authority figure can be very difficult. Your soul is burned with scar tissue covering the wound, and you become skeptical and jaded for a long, long time. By recognizing this is where you are, however, you have taken the first step in your recovery.

I know that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves men will arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after them. Therefore, be on the alert. (Acts 20:29-31a)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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Carrying Emotional Baggage Doesn’t Make You Stronger

 

Refer to STEP 4: Therefore, I commit to repairing my relationship with God and making amends with everyone I have wronged along the way.

It is a severe rebuke upon us, that God makes us so many allowances, and we make so few to our neighbor.

—William Penn

When you are describing Americans, there are many things you could say—some humorous, some serious, and some insightful. Perhaps the attribute that typifies us the most is that we are a nation of people burdened by unresolved, broken relationships. In America, we move on to the next relationship—whether romantic, personal, or professional—while never making peace with the one’s that have been broken.

Consequently, Americans have as much emotional baggage as any nationality in the world—perhaps more. To say it is a significant societal problem is a massive understatement. That’s why there is so much value in using a “step” method for recovery. Recognizing that most of the pain received by the initial wounding is still present—just below the surface—people live their lives with an outward appearance of serenity, while feeling substantial internal pain and conflict. Sporting plastic smiles, the emotional health of Americans is so poor we routinely medicate our pain with self-defeating behavior, such as alcoholism, promiscuity, pornography, antidepressants, overeating, and overspending.

Because the reprieve from the pain is so short, we require ever increasing doses of our dysfunctional medication to quell our disquietude. Eventually, our carefully constructed world comes crashing down, and we bottom out.

If we survive, that’s when we become willing to do whatever is necessary to put our lives back together, including turning to God. That’s why the 11-steps approach is so valuable. It requires you to go back and resolve the conflicts that created the pain. Although it is difficult, your conflicts can finally be resolved, restoring peace in your life. Your broken relationships can be put to rest, troubling you no longer.

In recovery, there is no getting around the reconciliatory process, which is good. It’s much better to experience the pain of humbling yourself, rather than carrying the chains of your broken relationships for the rest of your life. If you want to achieve serenity, you’ll have to work for it but, once you’ve made the effort, you’ll never regret having done the work to accomplish it.

The one who says he is in the light and yet hates his brother is in the darkness until now. The one who loves his brother abides in the light and there is no cause for stumbling in him. But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes. (I John 2:9-11)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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You Can learn from Your Abuse or Repeat It. The Choice Is Yours

 

Refer to STEP 11: I made a commitment to nurture my relationship with the Lord, asking Him to reveal His will to me and to provide me with the power to carry it out.

Strength comes from solitude, a waiting, a communion with the best in us, which is at one with the divine spark.

—Elbert Hubbard

Part of recovery, after enduring the initial trauma from your abuse, is determining who you intend to be for the rest of your life. You have to decide whether or not you will be a perpetual victim?

If not, you will have to take the necessary steps to become the person you know you want to be? Making this decision is an important step and needs to be made thoughtfully.

Most don’t do this, choosing instead to drift along aimlessly, trying to forget about their painful experience. They choose to live in denial, which isn’t a good strategy. It never works, especially with something as serious as abuse. Shortly after an abusive experience, most have a natural tendency to shrink away from conflict. They become tentative, insecure, and uncertain. Other people, by way of contrast, become cynical, jaded, hostile, and combative. Still others seem to fluctuate between the two, which is a particularly volatile mix, producing instability and acting-out behavior.

None of these reactive responses is desirable. If you want your life to count—really count—you’ll have to abandon your natural reactive tendencies, choosing instead to pursue a proactive life—a life where you make a determined effort to change how you respond to your abuse. It’s critical to your recovery to do this.

If another abusive situation occurs, which may happen, although it might be difficult, taking a firm stand in direct opposition to the situation may be exactly what you are supposed to do. Even the Lord, who loved everybody, had conflicts with abusive, self-righteous religious leaders. So should we. It’s probably the best way to ensure that evil does not triumph.

Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. (I Corinthians 16:13-14)

—Jack Watts

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Doing the Next Right Thing Amid Familial Dysfunction

Refer to Step 10: I choose to believe God still has a purpose for my life—a purpose for good and not evil.

 

Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that’s right is to get by, and the only thing that’s wrong is to get caught.

—J. C. Watts

Doing the right thing in recovery is often very difficult—just ask someone. Regardless of what type of recovery it might be, walking in integrity is frequently challenging. Everybody likes the idea of doing the right thing but, when there is great pressure exerted against you, it’s not always easy.

This is especially true when the pressure is initiated by a loved one. To take a leap of faith in a circumstance like this can be very intimidating. Nevertheless, it’s important to do the right thing, for the right reason, at the right time—not just occasionally, but routinely. It doesn’t seem like it would be that difficult but, when you are in the heat of the battle, it certainly is. People who are forced to make unpopular decisions and stick to them realize this.

To make matters worse, there is nobody around to validate your decision to do the right thing. If there were, it would be much easier.

Therefore, when conflicts arise, especially when you are forced to go against opposition within your family, just hold your breath, take a leap of faith, and do it. At first, it may seem scary. You may think that you have done the wrong thing but, over time, the correctness of following the Lord will become increasingly evident. So, learn to step out in faith, regardless of what negative consequences you think might eventuate.

For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men. Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bond slaves of God. (I Peter 15-16)

—Jack Watts

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Dealing with Your Familial Dysfunction

 

Refer to Step 6: I refuse to become like those who have abused me and abandon my desire to spread malice because of my pain and my anger.

 

No matter how eloquently spoken, or sincerely intended, words tend to trivialize the pain that we cause one another.

—Chaplain John C. Fitts

I have always liked the story of David and Goliath—everybody does. What’s not to like about it? An underdog puts his complete confidence in God, faces a giant and prevails, practically effortlessly. It’s a great story of right triumphing over wrong—of good conquering evil. It’s a story that puts a smile on my face every time I hear it.

My experiences in recovery, however, are far different—far more complex. They are more like the troubles David had with his family after he became King. In these stories, even when he was triumphant, it often brought as much grief as it did joy.

There are two reasons. First, when intra-family disputes arise, right and wrong are never as clear as they were with David and Goliath. Second, there are no winners when the conflict is within the family. It isn’t that there are clear winners—nearly everybody is a clear loser, making such conflicts a war of attrition.

Unfortunately, most of the conflict experienced by people in recovery is with family members and close friends—not with evil villains like Goliath. This makes resolution very difficult. When family conflicts occur, recognizing God’s Will may be very difficult. Not only are there conflicting emotions involved but also the desired outcome is rarely as clear and easy as one would like.

When you find yourself in a situation like this, which is inevitable in recovery, try to do the right thing, at the right time, and for the right reason—no matter what that may be or how unpleasant it is. During the conflict, make sure you are never malicious—that you never deliberately harm another family member, including an ex-spouse. If you can do this, it’s probably the best that you will be able to do, but if you are successful at it, God will honor your fidelity.

To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind-hearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. (I Peter 3:8-9)

—Jack Watts

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God’s Will Is Not Part of Your Grandiose Aspirations

 

Refer to Step 5: I recognize the only way back to a productive life is exactly the way I came. I have to repair my relationship with God and make amends with everyone I have wronged along the way.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

—George Elliott

Quite often, when a person invites Christ into his or her life, developing a relationship with God is perceived as having God as an ally—having Him in their corner so to speak. In the person’s simplicity and naiveté, their perception is that Almighty God is there to help them further their ends—to help them achieve their goals and aspirations. They operate under this delusion for a while—sometimes a long while—until their carefully constructed world begins to crumble.

Many things can shatter a person’s world, including religious abuse. More than anything else, religious abuse can knock the legs right out from under a person. When this happens, all of their grandiose aspirations seem to crumble as well.

It’s like blunt force trauma to a person, stopping them dead in their tracks, changing everything. It also knocks the grandiosity out of a person. When it happens, the abused person no longer has ends of his or her own to achieve. Their illusions about themselves have been dashed on the rocks, especially after having been subjected to shame, ridicule, and criticism.

Such a crushing experience impacts a person’s core emotions, producing bitterness, resentment, and a hard heart. Just when the person believes that nothing else good will ever come into their lives, Almighty God comes calling again. Beginning with a gentle whisper, He lets the person know they were traveling along their own road with their own goals, which were not His.

When that happens, at first the person is shocked, never having considered that he or she had been pursuing goals that were not aligned with God’s. As time goes on, however, and the relentless heartbreak of abusiveness takes its full toll upon the person; they become much more willing to listen to the voice of God.

“I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me; I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek Me. I said, ‘Here am I, here am I.’” (Isaiah 65:1)

—Jack Watts

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Obedience Is a Choice; So Is Disobedience

Refer to Step 2: I commit to stop living my life in pursuit of self-defeating behavior.

 

I know the power obedience has of making things easy which seem impossible.

—Saint Teresa

One of the great misunderstandings of Christianity involves being obedient to God’s will. Because people like the idea of thinking they are masters of their own fate, following God’s will is viewed unpleasantly by many. In their minds, they conceptualize following God as being mindless and robotic way, which is particularly unappealing to a generation where willfulness is elevated above all else.

Instead of seeking and choosing to follow God’s leading, many, including those who have been used, abused, and discarded by their church or Christian organization; chase after the desires of their own heart, believing they are making a free choice to do so. It’s easy to see why they believe this, but it’s not the road to freedom. In fact, it is the exact opposite.

It isn’t until they have become hooked by alcoholism; addiction to prescription medications, pornography, or inappropriate sexuality; or by over eating, over spending, or other self-destructive issues that they realize what an error in judgment they have made. Choosing to be free, they find themselves imprisoned by self-defeating behavior instead. They wanted to be free, but they became the exact opposite.

Unable to extricate themselves, they finally arrive at the place where they are willing to do whatever is necessary to get back on track with God. It’s at this point that they make a resolution to abandon their destructive compulsiveness and follow God’s leading. They never realized that taking each avenue involved a choice—one leading to self-destructiveness, the other to love, joy, peace, and fulfillment.

As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves in all your behavior. (I Peter 1:14-15)

—Jack Watts

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Learning to Listen

 

Refer to Step 8: I will share my experience and my own wrongdoing with a trusted friend, confessing the exact state of my heart.

 

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.

—Ernest Hemingway

 

Perhaps the greatest service you can provide to another human being is to listen to them—to listen to what they are really saying. In Christian circles, the art of listening is not promoted as much as it should be. For those of us who have worked the 11 Steps to recovering from religious abuse, however, there is very little that is as important as listening. We know how life is for those who have had their walk with the lord derailed by an abuser.

Because it has happened to us, we are well positioned to help others get back on track with the Lord. The importance of developing good listening skills cannot be overestimated. When someone is abused, he or she routinely resorts to self-defeating behavior to medicate their pain. This behavior—whether it involves sex, alcohol, drugs, pornography, over spending, or over eating—creates feelings of guilt and low self-esteem in the life of the abused person, making them feel like they are as worthless as their abuser told them they were.

Experiencing a mountain of guilt—based on their behavior—the abused person becomes extremely self-protective. They also become reluctant to open up to anybody, especially to a Christian. They are fearful of further abuse and of being judged harshly. They may talk but, more often than not, they will never open up willingly or their vulnerable hearts.

You have to earn that right, and the only was to do so is by listening to them. Once you have established trust, they will open up to you much more freely. Because there is such a need, those of us in recovery must be quick to listen, while never being judgmental of the wounded person. If you can learn to do this, you will be of great value to the Lord. Remember, He already has plenty of people who are quick to condemn those who are wounded and hurting.

This you know, my beloved brethren. But let every one be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. (James 1:19)

—Jack Watts

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Making Amends Changes You

 

Refer to Step 5: I recognize that the only way back to a productive life is exactly the way I came. Therefore, I commit to repairing my relationship with God and making amends with everyone I have wronged along the way.

 

A decision is only becomes real when you have acted upon it. If there is no action, your decision isn’t real.

—Jack Watts

After making an apology for poor behavior, there’s an overwhelming sense of relief, which leaves you feeling calm—lighter than air. You say to yourself, “That wasn’t nearly as difficult as I thought it was going to be.” If that was all there was to it, you would be correct, but there’s another part that’s more difficult—much more difficult. It’s making amends for what you’ve done wrong.

For example, if someone treated you unkindly, and you’ve maligned that person’s character in response, essentially bearing false witness, an appropriate amend would be to go back to those you have deceived to set the record straight. This is necessary in spite of what has been done to you. That’s because you’re the one in recovery, making you responsible for your behavior and not for the behavior of the other person.

Resolving a situation like this is never an easy task. Receiving forgiveness from someone by making an apology is comparatively easy to making amends that fit the situation. Additionally, making amends runs counter to our prevailing American culture. We want to ask forgiveness while skipping restitution. By believing an apology is all that’s required, you might think you’re avoiding the hardest part, but you’re also relinquishing your right to a profound blessing.

This is where substantive change in your character can occur. For that to happen, however, you have to travel the full distance and make amends for your behavior. In essence, you’re saying, “I used to be this way, but no longer. As part of my apology to you, I make a commitment to never behave like this again. To prove my sincerity, I’m also going back to the people I’ve deceived about you, and I’m going to tell them the truth. I’m sorry. It will never happen again.” Then do it.

Making amends like this is difficult, but it’s what changes you, producing real and substantive character transformation. By doing this, you refuse to circumvent the truth. You refuse to deflect. You refuse to practice denial.

When you face the truth courageously, remember that God has your back every step of the way. Responding like this will change you from the inside out. It’s where recovery principles weave themselves into the fabric of your being, and you start to grow into the person you’re meant to be.

Let him who steals steal no longer; but rather let him labor, performing with his own hands what is good, in order that he may gave something to share with him who has need. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:28-29)

—Jack Watts

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Puffed-Up Ministers

 

Refer to Step 4: I recognize that God is not the abuser; people who misuse their authority are the abusers.

 

Ambition fortifies the will of man to become ruler over other men: it operates with deception, cajolery, and violence; it is the action of impurity upon impurity.

—T. S. Eliot

In modern day Christendom, the idea of being called to the ministry has undergone a change—at least for many. Because of this change, which at first is subtle in a person, the seeds of religious abusiveness become fertile. In the early church and in the Scriptures, being called to the ministry meant that a person was called to serve others, regardless of how those served might respond. Because the person called was serving the Lord, while serving others, fulfillment came by being faithful to God and to no one else.

By the nature of the office, a minister is the servant of others; or, at least, that’s what the person is supposed to be. In this generation, however, this is no longer the norm. It has flip-flopped. Now, it is the minister who is served and not the other way around.

Because of the minister’s skill and calling, they have been elevated to a class above those to whom they have been called to serve. This reversal of positions has become so entrenched ministers have become celebrities, adored by their followers like rock stars or sports figures. This transformation has become so accepted that few realize how far it has drifted from the original model.

Part of the problem is that the terminology hasn’t changed. Ministers still obsequiously refer to themselves as servants but, in their hearts, many are anything but servants, especially those who become abusive. They are the lords; and when someone gets in their way, the offending person is castigated and discarded, being maligned by “God’s servant” in the process.

This kind of treatment has become so routine that millions have been abused by those who have been called to serve them. It’s one of the major reasons why there are so many have abandoned going to church.

And when it came about that Peter entered, Cornelius met him, and fell at his feet and worshiped him. But Peter raised him up, saying, “Stand up; I too am just a man.” (Acts 1025-26)

—Jack Watts

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Exercising Your Willpower

 

Refer to Step 11: I make a commitment to nurture my relationship with the Lord, asking Him to reveal His will to me and to provide me with the power to carry it out.

  

To find what you seek in the road of life, the best proverb of all is that which says: “Leave no stone unturned.”

—Edward Bulwer Lytton

When you are in the pit, feeling worthless, unloved, rejected, and discarded, working the 11 Steps to recovery from religious abuse can be one of the most worthwhile, meaningful times of your life—even though the effort will certainly be very stressful. Once you’ve worked the steps, however, and have learned to reconnect with God in a meaningful way, life can become rich and rewarding once again. In fact, it should.

After living in recovery for a while, however, things may get a little stale, and you may slip back into some old patterns of behavior, which probably will not serve you well. When this happens—and it will—you need to exercise your will and return to working on yourself. Remember this: recovery is not a destination but a continuous work in progress. In one sense, you never arrive—you’re not supposed to. Enjoying the journey becomes the destination, and it can become very fulfilling.

What you are supposed to do is to spend time in your relationship with God, always seeking His will for your life and asking Him for the power to carry it out. When you do this, it will work every time. It’s like exercising. Sometimes, you just don’t want to do it and have to force yourself to get started. Once you do, however, you’re almost always thrilled you did.

It’s also like Manna in the desert, which was there everyday—but only for that day. You can’t stock up on it; it rots. This means you have to work your program every day until it becomes as natural to you as brushing your teeth. Nothing short of this will work the way you hope it will. So, when you don’t want to make the effort, using your willpower, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and do it.

For every one who partakes only of milk is not accustomed to the word of righteousness, for he is a babe. But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil. (Hebrews 5:13-14)

—Jack Watts

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Being Self-Deceived

 

Refer to Step 7: I commit to being as thorough and honest as I am able.

 

This above all—to thine ownself be true;

And it must follow, as the night the day,

Thou canst not then be false to any man.

—William Shakespeare

Maintaining rigorous honesty is absolutely essential for your recovery to have long-term value. Without such a commitment, it will be short-lived, valueless, and none of the changes you have sought will be permanent.

Being honest, however, can occasionally be tricky. For example, you can be honest on the outside, ascribing noble reasons for your goals, while maintaining less-than-noble aspirations on the inside. Being crafty is never being honest. Any attempt at self-deception will prove to be self-destructive—no matter how hard you try to spin the truth in your mind, making deception seem okay.

To experience the highest level of recovery, not only do your actions have to display honesty but your thoughts and desires must also be based upon integrity. There’s simply no other way. Without being honest at this level—where your conscience is completely clear—you will never be the person you are capable of being. It’s just not possible.

That’s why taking personal inventory routinely is an essential component of recovery. Remember, the human heart is capable of incredible deception. To others, you may appear to be completely straightforward but on the inside—where it really counts—you may be manipulating the situation to attain self-serving goals.

When an issue comes up that causes you consternation, bring it to God immediately and ask Him what is the right thing to do. If you are being open and honest, the answer will come sooner or later. When it does, act upon it immediately. If you don’t, you will be in for a world of heartache. If you can say to yourself, “I’m doing the right thing, for the right reason, at the right time,” you will be certain you are walking in the light and that your recovery is progressing nicely.

O Lord, who may abide in Thy tent? Who may dwell on Thy holy hill? He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness, and speaks truth in his heart. (Psalm 15:1-2)

—Jack Watts   The Search for Reality

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Discerning Financial Abusiveness

 

Refer to Step 4: I recognize that God is not the abuser; rather, people who misuse their authority are the abusers.

 

The love for material things grows like a fungus in the soul and destroys the loveliness of the human heart utterly.

—Caryll Houselander

Ask yourself this: when you see a ministry or church that focuses on stewardship, have you ever seen the leader show any indications of impoverishment? Is there any sign of legitimate need, or does the leader look like a million dollars? Be certain to take a long, hard, and appraising look. Does the leader have a new car? A Rolex? A diamond pinky ring? A magnificent home? Custom made clothes? Does his or her life ooze with “the finer things of life?”

If the answer to any of these questions—or all of them—is yes, then those who follow leaders like these are being religiously abused, whether they recognize it or not. Does this situation seem similar? If so, you’re not alone. It’s common, especially among those who preach the Prosperity Gospel.

It’s a house of cards that’s destructive to every one who has any part of it. If you ask the spiritual leader about his or her display of materialism, they will probably say, “It’s proof of God’s blessing.” Then, they will be quick to add, “You can also receive abundance like this, if you will give, expecting great things in return.”

If you use your head and think for yourself, you’ll recognize this is proof the leader is adept at manipulating people to make sacrificial gifts to the ministry. Those who give, however, are not innocent in this scenario. They are giving with the expectation of abundance to follow, which means it’s not true giving but a quid pro quo barter with God.

Examine your own conscience about this. When you give, is it really giving, or is it giving to get something in return? If it’s the latter, it’s materialism motivated by greed, and that’s never Christ-like. It doesn’t count for anything other than your ability to be manipulated by an abusive religious leader.

And He said to them, “Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions.” (Luke 12:15)

—Jack Watts

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