Remember, We Answer to Almighty God, Not Via-Se-Versa

 

Refer to STEP 11: I make a commitment to nurture my relationship with God, asking Him to reveal His will to me as well as the power to carry it out.

Christianity at any given time is strong or weak depending upon your concept of God. 

—A.W. Tozer

For any type of recovery program to be effective, the person working it needs to develop a relationship with God. In most recovery programs, God is referred to as a Higher Power, which can be anything, including group consciousness. For many, this is as good as it gets.

For Christians recovering from religious abuse, however, it’s a little different. We acknowledge the Trinity, narrowing our focus to a biblical perspective of God, which spares us from the dead-end street of following pantheism. As recovering people spend time nurturing their relationship with God, they come to Him as Friend, as Comforter, as Sounding Board, and as a Helper. But they rarely come to Him as Almighty God.

The difference is significant. People limit God’s power in their lives, which also limits the level of their recovery. The reason is because most don’t feel worthy to ask Him for what they really want and need. They believe He is either unwilling or incapable of answering significant prayers for someone who has been so unworthy of blessing.

Because of past failures, most recovering Christians believe their future should be limited as well, which seems appropriate to them. Although they acknowledge their wrongdoing, many refuse to believe they have been forgiven, reasoning they don’t deserve any better. They don’t accept that they have been restored completely, and that there is nothing that can hold them back other than themselves. In essence, their sense of fairness becomes self-limiting.

Think of it this way: If God has forgiven you, what right do you have to withhold self-forgiveness? If you think of it this way, the very thought of not forgiving yourself seems audacious, doesn’t it? Don’t allow your emotional self-punishment to minimize God’s ability to restore you completely. Today, make a commitment to stop beating yourself up because of your past. Come to God—not as Comforter and Friend—but as Almighty. If you do, you will not be disappointed.

Thus says the Lord who made the earth, the Lord who formed it to establish it—the Lord is His name, “Call to Me, and I will answer you, and I will tell you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” (Jeremiah 33:2-3)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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Learning to Trust Again, after Being Abused

Refer to Step 10: I believe that God still has a purpose for my life—a purpose for good and not evil.

 

If a man is going to do anything worthwhile, there are times when he has to risk everything on his leap, and in the spiritual domain, Jesus Christ demands that you risk everything you hold by common sense and leap into what He says, and immediately you do, you find that what He says fits on as solidly as common sense.

—Oswald Chambers

Going through an abusive situation is never something a person plans to do. Obviously, it’s an unwanted experience. When it occurs, it’s generally considered to be a detour, an unwanted bump in the road, surprising the abused person.

At the same time, there are no accidents with God. Everything has a purpose, including many unpleasant circumstances, including abuse. If you learn to go with the flow—to believe God still loves you and has a constructive plan for your life—you are definitely on the right track.

It’s normal to go through a myriad of emotions after abuse, including the stages of grief, but when the process is complete, you must come to the place where you are willing to risk everything again. You must trust that God still has you in the palm of His Hand and nothing can separate you from His love and purpose. This doesn’t mean you have to return to an abusive situation, but it does mean you have to be willing to take another leap of faith, depending on God as you do.

God is committed to developing your character, making you into everything He intended for you to be. His goal is for you to be rich in character qualities such as love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness. This is always His goal, never for anything less. Knowing God is with you and for you, regardless of the circumstance, makes trusting Him your wisest option, even after a spouse or a trusted religious leader has been abusive.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? (Romans 8:31-31)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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God’s Silence in Tragedy Does Not Mean You Have Been Abandoned

 

Refer to STEP 5: I recognize the only way back to a productive life is exactly the way I came. I have to repair my relationship with God and make amends with everyone I have wronged along the way.

Adversity is the mint in which God stamps upon man his image and superscription.

—Henry Ward Beecher

When spiritual abuse occurs, there is always the temptation to conclude God doesn’t care or that He really isn’t there—not really. To feel this way is normal, at least for a while. Along with these feelings, the following question is universally asked: “If God is really in charge of everything, then how could he have allowed this to happen?”

Even Christ asked the question when He was on the cross—”Why have You forsaken Me?”

With Christ, the answer is obvious. If God had rescued His Son, Christ would not have died for our sins. Being forever lost, we would have no way to reestablish a relationship with God. I’m grateful that He didn’t, aren’t you?

But why didn’t God rescue you or those people in Oklahoma? He could have, but He chose not to. Instead, He allows people to go through a world of suffering. Why would He do that? Does it mean He doesn’t really care about us after all? In your own circumstance, when God didn’t rescue you, did that mean you were abandoned by Him?

No, it doesn’t mean that at all. It means He has treated you like a son or a daughter, allowing you to suffer at the hands of someone abusive—just like He allowed His Son to suffer at the hands of the Pharisees. God could have rescued Jesus, but He didn’t.

God had a purpose for what happened to Christ, and He has a purpose for what happened to you as well. Knowing how many hairs you have on your head, God knows your situation more intimately than you do. He is aware of every aspect of your abuse and, no matter how badly you’ve been hurt, He is still in charge—no matter what.

His silence may seem unjust, but it is not. His silence may seem unkind and unloving, but it is not. You may not feel His presence and you probably don’t, but He is there for you no matter what. You can not only count on it, but you must count on it.

All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. (Hebrews 12:11)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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After Abuse, Being Gentle with Yourself Works

 

Refer to STEP 4: I choose to believe what God says about Himself: that He is good and can be trusted. I recognize that God is not the abuser; rather, people who misuse their authority are the abusers.

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them—every day, begin the task anew.

—Saint Francis de Sales, Bishop of Geneva

When a person’s abuse has been recent, it’s difficult to hear that God has a purpose for allowing it. He does; but it seems particularly cold and unfeeling to hear it expressed. Perhaps it’s better to say that He might want to use this experience in a person’s life a little further down the road than what that person might be able to understand, when the pain is still acute.

As one woman expressed it, “I’m not sure I could have believed or recognized there was a purpose in my abuse when it first occurred. I’m afraid I would have been mad at God for letting it happen because of some big plan He had for my life.”

A response such as this one is typical. After being abused, the most important thing for a person to do is take care of himself or herself emotionally. This is especially true when the abuse has been recent. The importance of self-care is essential in the healing process. Often, the hurt and pain are so severe that just making it through the day is all a person can do. If that’s all you can do, you need to be gentle with yourself and let it be enough. It’s okay, especially when you’re fragile and vulnerable.

In my own case, I spent nearly a year unable to do much more than take it one day at a time. It’s essential to take care of yourself. In fact, it’s your most important responsibility; some days, it’s your only responsibility.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. (Psalm 23:1-3)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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When Fear and Apprehension Become Debilitating

 

Father,

You are aware of my troubles like no other,

And You understand my adversities completely.

Sometimes, I become so fearful my skin grows cold,

And it feels like I can hardly breathe.

I feel helpless, paralyzed with trepidation.

My heart is gripped by panic and an

Alarming apprehension of the future.

I’m afraid of so many things.

I’m fearful of people and of being alone,

Of never again experiencing happiness,

And of devastating economic catastrophe.

Father, it seems like the list never ends,

And I lack the courage to help myself,

Which I’m ashamed to admit—even to You.

I need You; there is no one else to help.

Be my strength, when I am weak.

Be my fortress, when my life crumbles

And my future is filled with foreboding.

Father, who else can I rely upon but You?

Sometimes I’m even afraid You don’t really care,

And that You really don’t intend to help.

I want to be strong and confident,

But I’m not strong—even though I feign that I am.

Give me strength and confidence, Father,

As I take a halting step forward—one foot at a time,

With nothing sustaining me but my trust in You,

Which I know to be fragile and tenuous.

—Jack Watts   Real Prayers

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Review and Reflect 51

 

Father,

The wounds from my abuse run deep,

Creating shame, anger, and

An Overwhelming sense of worthlessness

That enervates every area of my life.

With my mouth, I deny this is how I see myself,

But in the recesses of my mind,

I wonder if my abusers are correct about me.

 

Question: What are the emotions associated with your abuse? How has it affected your self-worth?

Part of recovery—after enduring the initial trauma from your abuse—is determining who you intend to be for the rest of your life. You have to decide whether or not you will be a perpetual victim, or if will you take the necessary steps to become the person you know you were created to be?

Question: Have you given any thought to what type of person you want to be, or have you been content to just drift along through life?

That’s where the value of the 11 steps comes in. It requires a person to go back and resolve the conflicts that created the pain. Although initially difficult, painful conflicts can be resolved and peace restored. All of the broken relationships can finally be put to rest, which rarely happens for most people. There’s no getting around the conciliatory process, which is good.

Make a List: Take a minute and make a list of all the broken relationships you have in your life. Wouldn’t you like to do your part to resolve the problem?

Recovering from a situation where you trusted an abusive authority figure is very difficult. Your soul is burned with scar tissue covering the wound, and you become skeptical and jaded for a long time. Recognizing that this is where you are, however, is the first step in your recovery.

 

Question: Are you willing to admit that your abuse has caused problems that need resolution?

This is your first step to spiritual freedom. The way to fall in line is by putting everything in God’s hands—especially the outcome, which you have no control over anyway. Look to Him; thank Him for your circumstance; and fall in step. When you do, numerous character qualities will be enhanced within you.

Everybody has trials. Everybody has disappointments. Everybody has failures. It’s what you do with them that counts.

 

Question: Are you willing to put your life into God’s hands?

—Jack Watts   Resources

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The Only Outcome You Can Control Is Your Reaction

 

Refer to Step 10: I choose to believe God still has a purpose for my life—a purpose for good and not evil.

I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.

—Thomas Paine

The Scriptures teach us to “count it all joy” when we experience difficult “trials” in our lives. When you read this for the first time, it seems like it must be a typo, doesn’t it? In your mind you say, Surely, God doesn’t expect me to count it all joy when I’ve lost my job, my house, my child, or my health, does He?

As difficult as it seems, that’s precisely what He wants you to do—to count it all joy. Simply because you do not see a way out of an encumbering circumstance doesn’t mean there isn’t one. God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and He knows the outcome. From His perspective, it’s already a done deal. All He is waiting for is for you to fall in line.

The way to fall in line is by putting everything in His hands, especially the outcome, which you have no control over anyway. Look to Him; thank Him for your circumstances; and fall in step by doing the next right thing. When you do, numerous character qualities will be enhanced within you.

Everybody has trials. Everybody has disappointments. Everybody has failures. It’s what you do with them that counts. If you chafe, becoming bitter and petulant, you will have failed to grow in an area where you need to mature. This means you need to repeat the exercise—like a student who needs to retake a failed course. The choice is yours: you can either demonstrate wisdom, by “counting it all joy” when difficulties arise, or you can continue to repeat your mistakes.

I’ve gone through many trials with mixed results. Like most, I’ve chafed more than I should have, which has meant I’ve been forced to repeat the learning process numerous times. Now, when difficulties come my way, I choose to repeat this chorus:

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord blessed be Your name.

In everything give thanks; for this is God’s well for you in Christ Jesus. (I Thessalonians 5:18)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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If It Contradicts God’s Word, Reject It or Pay a Terrible Price

 

Refer to STEP 1: I acknowledge that my life is shipwrecked and not where I want it to be.

I never trust people’s assertions; I always judge them by their actions.

—Ann Radcliffe

Throughout Scripture, we are taught to welcome strangers, clothe the naked, and give of ourselves to those in need. Christ taught us what we do for the “least of these” is what we do for Him. The church is tasked to be the voice for the voiceless and a defender of the afflicted. When it works, it’s beautiful, but when it doesn’t, dysfunction prevails.

Most of the dysfunction results from fallen man behaving accordingly. Sometimes, it’s much worse than that.

That’s when abusiveness becomes a problem. Because many Christians are young and inexperienced, they accept beliefs that contradict God’s Word. When they ask their trusted leaders to explain what’s happening, the explanations they receive often contradict sound teaching.

If this happens to you, you should run. Unfortunately, that’s not what usually happens. Instead, most re-sell themselves about what’s occurring, making the leader’s error a cherished belief instead of what it is—a destructive distortion. That’s where the problem begins.

Lack of familiarity with the Scriptures makes naïve Christian’s easy prey for abusive leaders—those who know the Bible just well enough to distort it. Because of this, it’s easy to abuse young, trusting believers. The end result is a shipwrecked life for each person who falls victim to the abuser.

Has this been your experience? If so, recovering from a situation where you trusted an abusive authority figure can be very difficult. Your soul is burned with scar tissue covering the wound, and you become skeptical and jaded for a long, long time. By recognizing this is where you are, however, you have taken the first step in your recovery.

I know that after my departure savage wolves will come in among you, not sparing the flock; and from among your own selves men will arise, speaking perverse things, to draw away the disciples after them. Therefore, be on the alert. (Acts 20:29-31a)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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Carrying Emotional Baggage Doesn’t Make You Stronger

 

Refer to STEP 4: Therefore, I commit to repairing my relationship with God and making amends with everyone I have wronged along the way.

It is a severe rebuke upon us, that God makes us so many allowances, and we make so few to our neighbor.

—William Penn

When you are describing Americans, there are many things you could say—some humorous, some serious, and some insightful. Perhaps the attribute that typifies us the most is that we are a nation of people burdened by unresolved, broken relationships. In America, we move on to the next relationship—whether romantic, personal, or professional—while never making peace with the one’s that have been broken.

Consequently, Americans have as much emotional baggage as any nationality in the world—perhaps more. To say it is a significant societal problem is a massive understatement. That’s why there is so much value in using a “step” method for recovery. Recognizing that most of the pain received by the initial wounding is still present—just below the surface—people live their lives with an outward appearance of serenity, while feeling substantial internal pain and conflict. Sporting plastic smiles, the emotional health of Americans is so poor we routinely medicate our pain with self-defeating behavior, such as alcoholism, promiscuity, pornography, antidepressants, overeating, and overspending.

Because the reprieve from the pain is so short, we require ever increasing doses of our dysfunctional medication to quell our disquietude. Eventually, our carefully constructed world comes crashing down, and we bottom out.

If we survive, that’s when we become willing to do whatever is necessary to put our lives back together, including turning to God. That’s why the 11-steps approach is so valuable. It requires you to go back and resolve the conflicts that created the pain. Although it is difficult, your conflicts can finally be resolved, restoring peace in your life. Your broken relationships can be put to rest, troubling you no longer.

In recovery, there is no getting around the reconciliatory process, which is good. It’s much better to experience the pain of humbling yourself, rather than carrying the chains of your broken relationships for the rest of your life. If you want to achieve serenity, you’ll have to work for it but, once you’ve made the effort, you’ll never regret having done the work to accomplish it.

The one who says he is in the light and yet hates his brother is in the darkness until now. The one who loves his brother abides in the light and there is no cause for stumbling in him. But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes. (I John 2:9-11)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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You Can learn from Your Abuse or Repeat It. The Choice Is Yours

 

Refer to STEP 11: I made a commitment to nurture my relationship with the Lord, asking Him to reveal His will to me and to provide me with the power to carry it out.

Strength comes from solitude, a waiting, a communion with the best in us, which is at one with the divine spark.

—Elbert Hubbard

Part of recovery, after enduring the initial trauma from your abuse, is determining who you intend to be for the rest of your life. You have to decide whether or not you will be a perpetual victim?

If not, you will have to take the necessary steps to become the person you know you want to be? Making this decision is an important step and needs to be made thoughtfully.

Most don’t do this, choosing instead to drift along aimlessly, trying to forget about their painful experience. They choose to live in denial, which isn’t a good strategy. It never works, especially with something as serious as abuse. Shortly after an abusive experience, most have a natural tendency to shrink away from conflict. They become tentative, insecure, and uncertain. Other people, by way of contrast, become cynical, jaded, hostile, and combative. Still others seem to fluctuate between the two, which is a particularly volatile mix, producing instability and acting-out behavior.

None of these reactive responses is desirable. If you want your life to count—really count—you’ll have to abandon your natural reactive tendencies, choosing instead to pursue a proactive life—a life where you make a determined effort to change how you respond to your abuse. It’s critical to your recovery to do this.

If another abusive situation occurs, which may happen, although it might be difficult, taking a firm stand in direct opposition to the situation may be exactly what you are supposed to do. Even the Lord, who loved everybody, had conflicts with abusive, self-righteous religious leaders. So should we. It’s probably the best way to ensure that evil does not triumph.

Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. (I Corinthians 16:13-14)

—Jack Watts

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A Prayer for When You Need to Confront a Loved One

 

Father,

Thank You for revealing Your will to me.

Now, I understand what I need to do and why.

My spirit had been disquieted for days,

As I’ve wrestled with my decision to proceed.

Deciding to be confrontational has been grueling,

But I’m certain it’s what You would have me do,

Despite my apprehension and desire to be liked.

By stepping out, when I would rather pretend

That the problem doesn’t exist—that it isn’t real—

I will be burning a valued bridge,

Which I have desired to protect at all costs.

But I cannot, nor can I continue

To remain quiet, secure in my self-deception.

I know what I have to do, and I will do it.

But, Father, it’s difficult for me,

And I can’t pretend that it isn’t.

About some things I appear to be so strong,

But not when it comes to confrontation,

Especially when it’s with someone I love.

My fear is that my insides will turn weak and

My resolve will vanish, rendering me useless.

Help me to be bold and confident,

While refraining from saying hurtful things,

Which are within my power and nature to do.

Father, help me guard my tongue,

While remaining straightforward and candid.

—Jack Watts   Real Prayers for Real Problems for Real People

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Review & Reflection 51

Father,

I endured the obligatory heartache for a period

I thought was far too long, but You knew

Was exactly what was required.

You promised that if I would humble myself

You would exalt me at the proper time.

I didn’t believe this was true—not literally

Nor that You would do it—not really.

But You have, and I can clearly see

Your hand in the restoration of my life.

Question: Do you agree with what the prayer says? Will God exalt You, or is this just a noble concept? Is it literally true? Has it happened to you?

Because of the minister’s skill and calling, they have been elevated to a class above those to whom they have been called to serve. This reversal of positions has become so entrenched ministers have become celebrities, adored by their followers like rock stars or sports figures. This transformation has become so accepted that few realize how far it has drifted from the original model.

Journal: Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Write out your answer.

Receiving forgiveness from someone by making an apology is comparatively easy to making amends that fit the situation. Additionally, making amends runs counter to our prevailing American culture. We want to ask forgiveness while skipping restitution. By believing an apology is all that’s required, you might think you’re avoiding the hardest part, but you’re also relinquishing your right to a profound blessing.

Journal: Write about a situation where you not only made an apology but also made an appropriate amends to someone else. Be specific and detailed.

The importance of learning good listening skills cannot be overestimated. When someone is abused, he or she often resorts to self-defeating behavior to medicate the pain they have experienced form being abused. This behavior—whether it involves medicating with sex, alcohol, drugs, pornography, over spending, or over eating—creates feeling of guilt and low self-esteem in the life of the abusee, making them feel like they are as worthless as their abuser said they were.

Journal: Have you developed the ability to listen to a wounded believer at this level? If you have, write about at least one experience. If you haven’t, write about what you believe you are capable of doing.

In modern Christendom, the whole concept of prayer has become distorted and flawed. Prayer isn’t getting an answer from God; prayer is becoming one with God, so that you begin to think like He does. When your prayers go “seemingly” unanswered, you need to dig deeper into the matter until you understand what God is trying to teach you.

Journal: Write about your prayer life, especially times when you prayed in such a way that you came to understand what God was doing in the life of another.

—Jack Watts

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Doing the Next Right Thing Amid Familial Dysfunction

Refer to Step 10: I choose to believe God still has a purpose for my life—a purpose for good and not evil.

 

Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that’s right is to get by, and the only thing that’s wrong is to get caught.

—J. C. Watts

Doing the right thing in recovery is often very difficult—just ask someone. Regardless of what type of recovery it might be, walking in integrity is frequently challenging. Everybody likes the idea of doing the right thing but, when there is great pressure exerted against you, it’s not always easy.

This is especially true when the pressure is initiated by a loved one. To take a leap of faith in a circumstance like this can be very intimidating. Nevertheless, it’s important to do the right thing, for the right reason, at the right time—not just occasionally, but routinely. It doesn’t seem like it would be that difficult but, when you are in the heat of the battle, it certainly is. People who are forced to make unpopular decisions and stick to them realize this.

To make matters worse, there is nobody around to validate your decision to do the right thing. If there were, it would be much easier.

Therefore, when conflicts arise, especially when you are forced to go against opposition within your family, just hold your breath, take a leap of faith, and do it. At first, it may seem scary. You may think that you have done the wrong thing but, over time, the correctness of following the Lord will become increasingly evident. So, learn to step out in faith, regardless of what negative consequences you think might eventuate.

For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men. Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bond slaves of God. (I Peter 15-16)

—Jack Watts

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Dealing with Your Familial Dysfunction

 

Refer to Step 6: I refuse to become like those who have abused me and abandon my desire to spread malice because of my pain and my anger.

 

No matter how eloquently spoken, or sincerely intended, words tend to trivialize the pain that we cause one another.

—Chaplain John C. Fitts

I have always liked the story of David and Goliath—everybody does. What’s not to like about it? An underdog puts his complete confidence in God, faces a giant and prevails, practically effortlessly. It’s a great story of right triumphing over wrong—of good conquering evil. It’s a story that puts a smile on my face every time I hear it.

My experiences in recovery, however, are far different—far more complex. They are more like the troubles David had with his family after he became King. In these stories, even when he was triumphant, it often brought as much grief as it did joy.

There are two reasons. First, when intra-family disputes arise, right and wrong are never as clear as they were with David and Goliath. Second, there are no winners when the conflict is within the family. It isn’t that there are clear winners—nearly everybody is a clear loser, making such conflicts a war of attrition.

Unfortunately, most of the conflict experienced by people in recovery is with family members and close friends—not with evil villains like Goliath. This makes resolution very difficult. When family conflicts occur, recognizing God’s Will may be very difficult. Not only are there conflicting emotions involved but also the desired outcome is rarely as clear and easy as one would like.

When you find yourself in a situation like this, which is inevitable in recovery, try to do the right thing, at the right time, and for the right reason—no matter what that may be or how unpleasant it is. During the conflict, make sure you are never malicious—that you never deliberately harm another family member, including an ex-spouse. If you can do this, it’s probably the best that you will be able to do, but if you are successful at it, God will honor your fidelity.

To sum up, let all be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kind-hearted, and humble in spirit; not returning evil for evil, or insult for insult, but giving a blessing instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit a blessing. (I Peter 3:8-9)

—Jack Watts

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God’s Will Is Not Part of Your Grandiose Aspirations

 

Refer to Step 5: I recognize the only way back to a productive life is exactly the way I came. I have to repair my relationship with God and make amends with everyone I have wronged along the way.

It is never too late to be what you might have been.

—George Elliott

Quite often, when a person invites Christ into his or her life, developing a relationship with God is perceived as having God as an ally—having Him in their corner so to speak. In the person’s simplicity and naiveté, their perception is that Almighty God is there to help them further their ends—to help them achieve their goals and aspirations. They operate under this delusion for a while—sometimes a long while—until their carefully constructed world begins to crumble.

Many things can shatter a person’s world, including religious abuse. More than anything else, religious abuse can knock the legs right out from under a person. When this happens, all of their grandiose aspirations seem to crumble as well.

It’s like blunt force trauma to a person, stopping them dead in their tracks, changing everything. It also knocks the grandiosity out of a person. When it happens, the abused person no longer has ends of his or her own to achieve. Their illusions about themselves have been dashed on the rocks, especially after having been subjected to shame, ridicule, and criticism.

Such a crushing experience impacts a person’s core emotions, producing bitterness, resentment, and a hard heart. Just when the person believes that nothing else good will ever come into their lives, Almighty God comes calling again. Beginning with a gentle whisper, He lets the person know they were traveling along their own road with their own goals, which were not His.

When that happens, at first the person is shocked, never having considered that he or she had been pursuing goals that were not aligned with God’s. As time goes on, however, and the relentless heartbreak of abusiveness takes its full toll upon the person; they become much more willing to listen to the voice of God.

“I permitted Myself to be sought by those who did not ask for Me; I permitted Myself to be found by those who did not seek Me. I said, ‘Here am I, here am I.’” (Isaiah 65:1)

—Jack Watts

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