Learning to Trust Again, after Being Abused

Refer to Step 10: I believe that God still has a purpose for my life—a purpose for good and not evil.

 

If a man is going to do anything worthwhile, there are times when he has to risk everything on his leap, and in the spiritual domain, Jesus Christ demands that you risk everything you hold by common sense and leap into what He says, and immediately you do, you find that what He says fits on as solidly as common sense.

—Oswald Chambers

Going through an abusive situation is never something a person plans to do. Obviously, it’s an unwanted experience. When it occurs, it’s generally considered to be a detour, an unwanted bump in the road, surprising the abused person.

At the same time, there are no accidents with God. Everything has a purpose, including many unpleasant circumstances, including abuse. If you learn to go with the flow—to believe God still loves you and has a constructive plan for your life—you are definitely on the right track.

It’s normal to go through a myriad of emotions after abuse, including the stages of grief, but when the process is complete, you must come to the place where you are willing to risk everything again. You must trust that God still has you in the palm of His Hand and nothing can separate you from His love and purpose. This doesn’t mean you have to return to an abusive situation, but it does mean you have to be willing to take another leap of faith, depending on God as you do.

God is committed to developing your character, making you into everything He intended for you to be. His goal is for you to be rich in character qualities such as love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness. This is always His goal, never for anything less. Knowing God is with you and for you, regardless of the circumstance, makes trusting Him your wisest option, even after a spouse or a trusted religious leader has been abusive.

What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? (Romans 8:31-31)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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God’s Silence in Tragedy Does Not Mean You Have Been Abandoned

 

Refer to STEP 5: I recognize the only way back to a productive life is exactly the way I came. I have to repair my relationship with God and make amends with everyone I have wronged along the way.

Adversity is the mint in which God stamps upon man his image and superscription.

—Henry Ward Beecher

When spiritual abuse occurs, there is always the temptation to conclude God doesn’t care or that He really isn’t there—not really. To feel this way is normal, at least for a while. Along with these feelings, the following question is universally asked: “If God is really in charge of everything, then how could he have allowed this to happen?”

Even Christ asked the question when He was on the cross—”Why have You forsaken Me?”

With Christ, the answer is obvious. If God had rescued His Son, Christ would not have died for our sins. Being forever lost, we would have no way to reestablish a relationship with God. I’m grateful that He didn’t, aren’t you?

But why didn’t God rescue you or those people in Oklahoma? He could have, but He chose not to. Instead, He allows people to go through a world of suffering. Why would He do that? Does it mean He doesn’t really care about us after all? In your own circumstance, when God didn’t rescue you, did that mean you were abandoned by Him?

No, it doesn’t mean that at all. It means He has treated you like a son or a daughter, allowing you to suffer at the hands of someone abusive—just like He allowed His Son to suffer at the hands of the Pharisees. God could have rescued Jesus, but He didn’t.

God had a purpose for what happened to Christ, and He has a purpose for what happened to you as well. Knowing how many hairs you have on your head, God knows your situation more intimately than you do. He is aware of every aspect of your abuse and, no matter how badly you’ve been hurt, He is still in charge—no matter what.

His silence may seem unjust, but it is not. His silence may seem unkind and unloving, but it is not. You may not feel His presence and you probably don’t, but He is there for you no matter what. You can not only count on it, but you must count on it.

All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. (Hebrews 12:11)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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After Abuse, Being Gentle with Yourself Works

 

Refer to STEP 4: I choose to believe what God says about Himself: that He is good and can be trusted. I recognize that God is not the abuser; rather, people who misuse their authority are the abusers.

Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them—every day, begin the task anew.

—Saint Francis de Sales, Bishop of Geneva

When a person’s abuse has been recent, it’s difficult to hear that God has a purpose for allowing it. He does; but it seems particularly cold and unfeeling to hear it expressed. Perhaps it’s better to say that He might want to use this experience in a person’s life a little further down the road than what that person might be able to understand, when the pain is still acute.

As one woman expressed it, “I’m not sure I could have believed or recognized there was a purpose in my abuse when it first occurred. I’m afraid I would have been mad at God for letting it happen because of some big plan He had for my life.”

A response such as this one is typical. After being abused, the most important thing for a person to do is take care of himself or herself emotionally. This is especially true when the abuse has been recent. The importance of self-care is essential in the healing process. Often, the hurt and pain are so severe that just making it through the day is all a person can do. If that’s all you can do, you need to be gentle with yourself and let it be enough. It’s okay, especially when you’re fragile and vulnerable.

In my own case, I spent nearly a year unable to do much more than take it one day at a time. It’s essential to take care of yourself. In fact, it’s your most important responsibility; some days, it’s your only responsibility.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside quiet waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. (Psalm 23:1-3)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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Review and Reflect 51

 

Father,

The wounds from my abuse run deep,

Creating shame, anger, and

An Overwhelming sense of worthlessness

That enervates every area of my life.

With my mouth, I deny this is how I see myself,

But in the recesses of my mind,

I wonder if my abusers are correct about me.

 

Question: What are the emotions associated with your abuse? How has it affected your self-worth?

Part of recovery—after enduring the initial trauma from your abuse—is determining who you intend to be for the rest of your life. You have to decide whether or not you will be a perpetual victim, or if will you take the necessary steps to become the person you know you were created to be?

Question: Have you given any thought to what type of person you want to be, or have you been content to just drift along through life?

That’s where the value of the 11 steps comes in. It requires a person to go back and resolve the conflicts that created the pain. Although initially difficult, painful conflicts can be resolved and peace restored. All of the broken relationships can finally be put to rest, which rarely happens for most people. There’s no getting around the conciliatory process, which is good.

Make a List: Take a minute and make a list of all the broken relationships you have in your life. Wouldn’t you like to do your part to resolve the problem?

Recovering from a situation where you trusted an abusive authority figure is very difficult. Your soul is burned with scar tissue covering the wound, and you become skeptical and jaded for a long time. Recognizing that this is where you are, however, is the first step in your recovery.

 

Question: Are you willing to admit that your abuse has caused problems that need resolution?

This is your first step to spiritual freedom. The way to fall in line is by putting everything in God’s hands—especially the outcome, which you have no control over anyway. Look to Him; thank Him for your circumstance; and fall in step. When you do, numerous character qualities will be enhanced within you.

Everybody has trials. Everybody has disappointments. Everybody has failures. It’s what you do with them that counts.

 

Question: Are you willing to put your life into God’s hands?

—Jack Watts   Resources

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The Only Outcome You Can Control Is Your Reaction

 

Refer to Step 10: I choose to believe God still has a purpose for my life—a purpose for good and not evil.

I love those who can smile in trouble, who can gather strength from distress, and grow brave by reflection. ‘Tis the business of little minds to shrink, but they whose heart is firm, and whose conscience approves their conduct, will pursue their principles unto death.

—Thomas Paine

The Scriptures teach us to “count it all joy” when we experience difficult “trials” in our lives. When you read this for the first time, it seems like it must be a typo, doesn’t it? In your mind you say, Surely, God doesn’t expect me to count it all joy when I’ve lost my job, my house, my child, or my health, does He?

As difficult as it seems, that’s precisely what He wants you to do—to count it all joy. Simply because you do not see a way out of an encumbering circumstance doesn’t mean there isn’t one. God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and He knows the outcome. From His perspective, it’s already a done deal. All He is waiting for is for you to fall in line.

The way to fall in line is by putting everything in His hands, especially the outcome, which you have no control over anyway. Look to Him; thank Him for your circumstances; and fall in step by doing the next right thing. When you do, numerous character qualities will be enhanced within you.

Everybody has trials. Everybody has disappointments. Everybody has failures. It’s what you do with them that counts. If you chafe, becoming bitter and petulant, you will have failed to grow in an area where you need to mature. This means you need to repeat the exercise—like a student who needs to retake a failed course. The choice is yours: you can either demonstrate wisdom, by “counting it all joy” when difficulties arise, or you can continue to repeat your mistakes.

I’ve gone through many trials with mixed results. Like most, I’ve chafed more than I should have, which has meant I’ve been forced to repeat the learning process numerous times. Now, when difficulties come my way, I choose to repeat this chorus:

You give and take away

You give and take away

My heart will choose to say

Lord blessed be Your name.

In everything give thanks; for this is God’s well for you in Christ Jesus. (I Thessalonians 5:18)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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Carrying Emotional Baggage Doesn’t Make You Stronger

 

Refer to STEP 4: Therefore, I commit to repairing my relationship with God and making amends with everyone I have wronged along the way.

It is a severe rebuke upon us, that God makes us so many allowances, and we make so few to our neighbor.

—William Penn

When you are describing Americans, there are many things you could say—some humorous, some serious, and some insightful. Perhaps the attribute that typifies us the most is that we are a nation of people burdened by unresolved, broken relationships. In America, we move on to the next relationship—whether romantic, personal, or professional—while never making peace with the one’s that have been broken.

Consequently, Americans have as much emotional baggage as any nationality in the world—perhaps more. To say it is a significant societal problem is a massive understatement. That’s why there is so much value in using a “step” method for recovery. Recognizing that most of the pain received by the initial wounding is still present—just below the surface—people live their lives with an outward appearance of serenity, while feeling substantial internal pain and conflict. Sporting plastic smiles, the emotional health of Americans is so poor we routinely medicate our pain with self-defeating behavior, such as alcoholism, promiscuity, pornography, antidepressants, overeating, and overspending.

Because the reprieve from the pain is so short, we require ever increasing doses of our dysfunctional medication to quell our disquietude. Eventually, our carefully constructed world comes crashing down, and we bottom out.

If we survive, that’s when we become willing to do whatever is necessary to put our lives back together, including turning to God. That’s why the 11-steps approach is so valuable. It requires you to go back and resolve the conflicts that created the pain. Although it is difficult, your conflicts can finally be resolved, restoring peace in your life. Your broken relationships can be put to rest, troubling you no longer.

In recovery, there is no getting around the reconciliatory process, which is good. It’s much better to experience the pain of humbling yourself, rather than carrying the chains of your broken relationships for the rest of your life. If you want to achieve serenity, you’ll have to work for it but, once you’ve made the effort, you’ll never regret having done the work to accomplish it.

The one who says he is in the light and yet hates his brother is in the darkness until now. The one who loves his brother abides in the light and there is no cause for stumbling in him. But the one who hates his brother is in the darkness and walks in the darkness, and does not know where he is going because the darkness has blinded his eyes. (I John 2:9-11)

—Jack Watts   Resources

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A Prayer for When You Need to Confront a Loved One

 

Father,

Thank You for revealing Your will to me.

Now, I understand what I need to do and why.

My spirit had been disquieted for days,

As I’ve wrestled with my decision to proceed.

Deciding to be confrontational has been grueling,

But I’m certain it’s what You would have me do,

Despite my apprehension and desire to be liked.

By stepping out, when I would rather pretend

That the problem doesn’t exist—that it isn’t real—

I will be burning a valued bridge,

Which I have desired to protect at all costs.

But I cannot, nor can I continue

To remain quiet, secure in my self-deception.

I know what I have to do, and I will do it.

But, Father, it’s difficult for me,

And I can’t pretend that it isn’t.

About some things I appear to be so strong,

But not when it comes to confrontation,

Especially when it’s with someone I love.

My fear is that my insides will turn weak and

My resolve will vanish, rendering me useless.

Help me to be bold and confident,

While refraining from saying hurtful things,

Which are within my power and nature to do.

Father, help me guard my tongue,

While remaining straightforward and candid.

—Jack Watts   Real Prayers for Real Problems for Real People

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Review & Reflection 51

Father,

I endured the obligatory heartache for a period

I thought was far too long, but You knew

Was exactly what was required.

You promised that if I would humble myself

You would exalt me at the proper time.

I didn’t believe this was true—not literally

Nor that You would do it—not really.

But You have, and I can clearly see

Your hand in the restoration of my life.

Question: Do you agree with what the prayer says? Will God exalt You, or is this just a noble concept? Is it literally true? Has it happened to you?

Because of the minister’s skill and calling, they have been elevated to a class above those to whom they have been called to serve. This reversal of positions has become so entrenched ministers have become celebrities, adored by their followers like rock stars or sports figures. This transformation has become so accepted that few realize how far it has drifted from the original model.

Journal: Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Write out your answer.

Receiving forgiveness from someone by making an apology is comparatively easy to making amends that fit the situation. Additionally, making amends runs counter to our prevailing American culture. We want to ask forgiveness while skipping restitution. By believing an apology is all that’s required, you might think you’re avoiding the hardest part, but you’re also relinquishing your right to a profound blessing.

Journal: Write about a situation where you not only made an apology but also made an appropriate amends to someone else. Be specific and detailed.

The importance of learning good listening skills cannot be overestimated. When someone is abused, he or she often resorts to self-defeating behavior to medicate the pain they have experienced form being abused. This behavior—whether it involves medicating with sex, alcohol, drugs, pornography, over spending, or over eating—creates feeling of guilt and low self-esteem in the life of the abusee, making them feel like they are as worthless as their abuser said they were.

Journal: Have you developed the ability to listen to a wounded believer at this level? If you have, write about at least one experience. If you haven’t, write about what you believe you are capable of doing.

In modern Christendom, the whole concept of prayer has become distorted and flawed. Prayer isn’t getting an answer from God; prayer is becoming one with God, so that you begin to think like He does. When your prayers go “seemingly” unanswered, you need to dig deeper into the matter until you understand what God is trying to teach you.

Journal: Write about your prayer life, especially times when you prayed in such a way that you came to understand what God was doing in the life of another.

—Jack Watts

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Doing the Next Right Thing Amid Familial Dysfunction

Refer to Step 10: I choose to believe God still has a purpose for my life—a purpose for good and not evil.

 

Character is doing the right thing when nobody’s looking. There are too many people who think that the only thing that’s right is to get by, and the only thing that’s wrong is to get caught.

—J. C. Watts

Doing the right thing in recovery is often very difficult—just ask someone. Regardless of what type of recovery it might be, walking in integrity is frequently challenging. Everybody likes the idea of doing the right thing but, when there is great pressure exerted against you, it’s not always easy.

This is especially true when the pressure is initiated by a loved one. To take a leap of faith in a circumstance like this can be very intimidating. Nevertheless, it’s important to do the right thing, for the right reason, at the right time—not just occasionally, but routinely. It doesn’t seem like it would be that difficult but, when you are in the heat of the battle, it certainly is. People who are forced to make unpopular decisions and stick to them realize this.

To make matters worse, there is nobody around to validate your decision to do the right thing. If there were, it would be much easier.

Therefore, when conflicts arise, especially when you are forced to go against opposition within your family, just hold your breath, take a leap of faith, and do it. At first, it may seem scary. You may think that you have done the wrong thing but, over time, the correctness of following the Lord will become increasingly evident. So, learn to step out in faith, regardless of what negative consequences you think might eventuate.

For such is the will of God that by doing right you may silence the ignorance of foolish men. Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil, but use it as bond slaves of God. (I Peter 15-16)

—Jack Watts

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A Prayer: When Will Your Pruning of My Life Be Complete?

Father,

As I look about thoughtfully,

Appraising my circumstances,

Which are not what I had desired—

Not what I had planned at all—

I cannot fathom where You are leading,

Nor do I understand why I must travel

This journey in isolation, as a solitary figure.

I wanted my life to be completely different,

To be easier and more carefree,

But that has not been the path You chose for me.

As I see the smiling faces of others—

Those who talk about You as if they

Know You intimately, but do not,

I wonder why their lives seem to be

Free from disappointment and conflict,

While mine has been stressful and difficult.

I wonder if I will ever be stress free again?

Father, tell me when will Your pruning hand

Finish its relentless transformation of my life?

When will I awaken from darkness and despair,

To view a bright, sunny day, filled with promise—

Free from sorrow—free from loss?

When will You move in a mighty

Redemptive way, to strengthen me?

When will You say to my enemies,

This is my child—my beloved child.

Let all who wonder know that it is I—

The great ‘I Am’ who has done this work in him.

Father, I know You are in charge;

That You have numbered my days

And each of my years are in Your hand.

It is within Your power to change everything—

To allow my life to have far more meaning

Than it has ever had before.

Finish Your transformation quickly, Lord,

So that I can withstand the swirling wind

And foreboding clouds that surround me.

Taken from Real Prayers for real People with Real Problems

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Review & Reflection 50

Father,

I endured the obligatory heartache for a period

That I thought was far too long, but You knew

Was exactly what was required.

You promised that if I would humble myself

You would exalt me at the proper time.

I didn’t believe this was true—not literally

Nor that You would do it—not really.

But You have, and I can clearly see

Your hand in the restoration of my life.

Question: Do you agree with what the prayer says? Will God exalt You, or is this just a noble concept? Is it literally true? Has it happened to you?

Because of the minister’s skill and calling, they have been elevated to a class above those to whom they have been called to serve. This reversal of positions has become so entrenched ministers have become celebrities, adored by their followers like rock stars or sports figures. This transformation has become so accepted that few realize how far it has drifted from the original model.

Journal: Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Write out your answer.

Receiving forgiveness from someone by making an apology is comparatively easy to making amends that fit the situation. Additionally, making amends runs counter to our prevailing American culture. We want to ask forgiveness while skipping restitution. By believing an apology is all that’s required, you might think you’re avoiding the hardest part, but you’re also relinquishing your right to a profound blessing.

Journal: Write about a situation where you not only made an apology but also made an appropriate amends to someone else. Be specific and detailed.

The importance of learning good listening skills cannot be overestimated. When someone is abused, he or she often resorts to self-defeating behavior to medicate the pain they have experienced form being abused. This behavior—whether it involves medicating with sex, alcohol, drugs, pornography, over spending, or over eating—creates feeling of guilt and low self-esteem in the life of the abusee, making them feel like they are as worthless as their abuser said they were.

Journal: Have you developed the ability to listen to a wounded believer at this level? If you have, write about at least one experience. If you haven’t, write about what you believe you are capable of doing.

—Jack Watts

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Learning to Listen

 

Refer to Step 8: I will share my experience and my own wrongdoing with a trusted friend, confessing the exact state of my heart.

 

When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.

—Ernest Hemingway

 

Perhaps the greatest service you can provide to another human being is to listen to them—to listen to what they are really saying. In Christian circles, the art of listening is not promoted as much as it should be. For those of us who have worked the 11 Steps to recovering from religious abuse, however, there is very little that is as important as listening. We know how life is for those who have had their walk with the lord derailed by an abuser.

Because it has happened to us, we are well positioned to help others get back on track with the Lord. The importance of developing good listening skills cannot be overestimated. When someone is abused, he or she routinely resorts to self-defeating behavior to medicate their pain. This behavior—whether it involves sex, alcohol, drugs, pornography, over spending, or over eating—creates feelings of guilt and low self-esteem in the life of the abused person, making them feel like they are as worthless as their abuser told them they were.

Experiencing a mountain of guilt—based on their behavior—the abused person becomes extremely self-protective. They also become reluctant to open up to anybody, especially to a Christian. They are fearful of further abuse and of being judged harshly. They may talk but, more often than not, they will never open up willingly or their vulnerable hearts.

You have to earn that right, and the only was to do so is by listening to them. Once you have established trust, they will open up to you much more freely. Because there is such a need, those of us in recovery must be quick to listen, while never being judgmental of the wounded person. If you can learn to do this, you will be of great value to the Lord. Remember, He already has plenty of people who are quick to condemn those who are wounded and hurting.

This you know, my beloved brethren. But let every one be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger. (James 1:19)

—Jack Watts

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Making Amends Changes You

 

Refer to Step 5: I recognize that the only way back to a productive life is exactly the way I came. Therefore, I commit to repairing my relationship with God and making amends with everyone I have wronged along the way.

 

A decision is only becomes real when you have acted upon it. If there is no action, your decision isn’t real.

—Jack Watts

After making an apology for poor behavior, there’s an overwhelming sense of relief, which leaves you feeling calm—lighter than air. You say to yourself, “That wasn’t nearly as difficult as I thought it was going to be.” If that was all there was to it, you would be correct, but there’s another part that’s more difficult—much more difficult. It’s making amends for what you’ve done wrong.

For example, if someone treated you unkindly, and you’ve maligned that person’s character in response, essentially bearing false witness, an appropriate amend would be to go back to those you have deceived to set the record straight. This is necessary in spite of what has been done to you. That’s because you’re the one in recovery, making you responsible for your behavior and not for the behavior of the other person.

Resolving a situation like this is never an easy task. Receiving forgiveness from someone by making an apology is comparatively easy to making amends that fit the situation. Additionally, making amends runs counter to our prevailing American culture. We want to ask forgiveness while skipping restitution. By believing an apology is all that’s required, you might think you’re avoiding the hardest part, but you’re also relinquishing your right to a profound blessing.

This is where substantive change in your character can occur. For that to happen, however, you have to travel the full distance and make amends for your behavior. In essence, you’re saying, “I used to be this way, but no longer. As part of my apology to you, I make a commitment to never behave like this again. To prove my sincerity, I’m also going back to the people I’ve deceived about you, and I’m going to tell them the truth. I’m sorry. It will never happen again.” Then do it.

Making amends like this is difficult, but it’s what changes you, producing real and substantive character transformation. By doing this, you refuse to circumvent the truth. You refuse to deflect. You refuse to practice denial.

When you face the truth courageously, remember that God has your back every step of the way. Responding like this will change you from the inside out. It’s where recovery principles weave themselves into the fabric of your being, and you start to grow into the person you’re meant to be.

Let him who steals steal no longer; but rather let him labor, performing with his own hands what is good, in order that he may gave something to share with him who has need. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear. (Ephesians 4:28-29)

—Jack Watts

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Puffed-Up Ministers

 

Refer to Step 4: I recognize that God is not the abuser; people who misuse their authority are the abusers.

 

Ambition fortifies the will of man to become ruler over other men: it operates with deception, cajolery, and violence; it is the action of impurity upon impurity.

—T. S. Eliot

In modern day Christendom, the idea of being called to the ministry has undergone a change—at least for many. Because of this change, which at first is subtle in a person, the seeds of religious abusiveness become fertile. In the early church and in the Scriptures, being called to the ministry meant that a person was called to serve others, regardless of how those served might respond. Because the person called was serving the Lord, while serving others, fulfillment came by being faithful to God and to no one else.

By the nature of the office, a minister is the servant of others; or, at least, that’s what the person is supposed to be. In this generation, however, this is no longer the norm. It has flip-flopped. Now, it is the minister who is served and not the other way around.

Because of the minister’s skill and calling, they have been elevated to a class above those to whom they have been called to serve. This reversal of positions has become so entrenched ministers have become celebrities, adored by their followers like rock stars or sports figures. This transformation has become so accepted that few realize how far it has drifted from the original model.

Part of the problem is that the terminology hasn’t changed. Ministers still obsequiously refer to themselves as servants but, in their hearts, many are anything but servants, especially those who become abusive. They are the lords; and when someone gets in their way, the offending person is castigated and discarded, being maligned by “God’s servant” in the process.

This kind of treatment has become so routine that millions have been abused by those who have been called to serve them. It’s one of the major reasons why there are so many have abandoned going to church.

And when it came about that Peter entered, Cornelius met him, and fell at his feet and worshiped him. But Peter raised him up, saying, “Stand up; I too am just a man.” (Acts 1025-26)

—Jack Watts

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Pruning Leads to Restoration

 

Father,

There was a path that seemed so promising—

A road that looked like it was Your way, but it was not.

There were far too many compromises involved

For it to be something You would honor.

In the deepest recesses of my heart,

I knew it—in spite of all my protestations.

I was keenly aware it was my will and not Yours.

Nevertheless, I followed the wrong path,

Paying a terrible price for having done so.

Later, when I had no other recourse available,

I came to You—sorrowful, humbled, and crushed—

With hat in hand, ready and willing to be changed.

This time, instead of medicating my pain with vice,

I endured the obligatory heartache for a period,

Which I was certain was far too long,

But You knew it was exactly what I required.

You promised that if I would humble myself

You would exalt me at the proper time.

I didn’t believe this was true, not literally—

Nor that You would do it, not really.

But You have, and I can clearly see

Your hand in the restoration of my life.

Now, I stand strong, far wiser, and more resilient,

With a calm, sane, and joyful countenance.

Humbling myself because I had no alternative,

I never considered that in Your wisdom,

You had orchestrated my circumstances

In a way that I would eventually seek You out.

This wasn’t the road I would have chosen for myself,

But it’s the road You have chosen for me.

I wish I could say that I have learned all my lessons,

But I know who I am. I know that in my own heart—

I am prone to wander—prone to leave the God I love.

Father, take my heart and prevent it from

Following another fruitless path, leading nowhere.

—Jack Watts   Real Prayers for Real People with Real Problems 

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