Refer to STEP 6: I make a commitment to turn away from my pride and refuse to become like those who have abused me.
In their day-to-day operations, narcissistic ministry leaders come to believe that the ends—their ends—justify the means, regardless of what those ends might be. In their arrogance, they believe that because they are pursuing God’s work, whatever they do is right. It’s sanctioned and authorized by God. Because they are convinced of this, heaven help anyone who gets in their way. That person not only becomes a personal enemy but an enemy of God as well. Those who disagree routinely have their relationship with God questioned, if they have a conflict with God’s anointed leader. To oppose the narcissist is to oppose God. It’s that simple.
When it comes to financial propriety, the leader’s narcissism is fully operational. For example, leaders like these have a cavalier attitude about financial compensation for work done for them, contracting work they never pay for—not completely, anyway. Reasoning that the ministry goals supersede the need to be fundamentally fair with those who labor for them, they frequently cheat people out of what they are owed and believe they are being obedient to God when they do so. When confronted about a legitimate bill by a shorted vendor, they become offended.
This is how they view it: Because they are perusing God’s goals, their calling is higher than those who contract to work for them. In their arrogance, they don’t believe treating their vendors ethically is required, and they don’t. This attitude, which is deeply resented by those who have performed their work in good faith, creates bitterness in the hearts of vendors who know they’ve been cheated.
In my quarter century of working with ministries, I have seen hundreds of examples of this kind of abuse. Ministries all over America do it everyday, creating emotional carnage in their wake. Sadly, those who have been cheated by a narcissist blame God for the offense. Becoming cynical, they cast aside a life of faith, embracing cynicism instead.
More than any other thing, this produces people jaded by serving Christian ministries. It’s wrong at so many levels; it’s difficult to list them all.
To learn more about about the subject, go to: Recovering from Religious Abuse: 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom.