In my pain and anguish,
When my heart was broken,
And I thought darkness would overwhelm me,
I felt so lost and all alone, but I wasn’t.
Despite my anxiety, You were there with me,
Diligently working in my heart,
Stripping me of all of my pretense,
Scourging me of all of my arrogance,
Revealing each of my self-serving ways,
Which have made my life a wasteland.
For so long, I had no concern or awareness
About anything You wanted for my life.
My only desire was to find relief from my torment,
But Your concern was far greater and deeper.
I thought my anguish would never end
And that I would never smile at the future,
But I was completely mistaken.
In my anguish, I revealed the desire of my heart,
Repeatedly asking You to grant it,
But You never would, which still grieves me.
But what I have gained through my loss
May have more value than I ever imagined.
Out of the painful void, You have raised me up,
Placing my feet on solid, immovable ground,
Which has strengthened me with power
In the inner man—at the core of my being.
No longer fearful and timid, I’m peaceful and confident.
Instead of fretful apprehension filling my hours,
My countenance has become calm, strong, and sane.
It’s because You have changed my heart—
Completely transforming my perspective.
Without Your loving, consistent care,
I would never have learned my lessons,
And would have been destined
To repeat my mistakes endlessly,
Like an unreasoning animal
And not like a man—not like a child of Yours.
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Look upon my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. Look upon my enemies, for they are many; and they hate me with a violent hatred. Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in Thee. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for Thee. (Psalm 25:16-21)
To learn more about about the subject, go to: Recovering from Religious Abuse: 11 Steps to Spiritual Freedom.