Father,
I come to you broken,
With a continuous heartache
That I’m certain will never end.
At times, it’s hard for me to even breathe
As fearful, cold chills race through me.
My loss is so great that I’m certain
I will never be a whole person again.
At night, I awaken, knowing something is amiss,
And then grim reality floods my consciousness.
Startled, that’s when I become fully alert
And completely aware of my circumstances,
As my countenance shrinks and diminishes appreciably.
I am bowed down and emotionally cowed.
That’s when I come to You;
That’s when I seek Your face;
That’s when I weep and mourn.
That’s when I’m consumed by pain and loss.
I desperately want my grief to go away;
I want You to kiss my wound like I’m still a small child.
I want You to “make it all better,”
So that my suffering will cease,
And I can know peace and joy once again.
That’s then it seems like You are saying,
You need to feel this pain for a season,
My child, but only for a season.
For I know the plans I have for you—
Plans for a future and a hope.
I understand your pain and your loss.
I, too, have experienced such a loss.
I, too, have felt such a deep pain.
But what I have gained through My loss is you,
And you are worth the price that has been paid.
When I understand this and it resonates within me,
I feel humbled and cease from being self-consumed.
That’s when I bow my head, bend my knee, and say,
“Father, You give and take away,
You give and take away,
You give and take away,
Blessed be Your name.”
Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. (Psalm 139:23-24)