In my pain and in my anguish—
When my heart was broken
And darkness threatened to overwhelm me—
I felt so lost and abandoned, but I wasn’t.
Despite my anxiety and trembling heart,
You were there, never leaving my side,
Diligently working within my heart,
Stripping me of all of my pretense,
Scourging me of all of my arrogance,
And revealing each of my self-serving ways,
Which have made my life a wasteland.
For so long, I had no concern or awareness
About anything You desired for my life.
My only concern was to find relief from my torment,
But Your consternation ran far deeper
Than anything I ever conceived or imagined.
I thought my anguish would never end
And I would never smile at the future,
But that was far from true.
In my anguish, I revealed the desires of my heart,
Repeatedly asking You to grant my wishes,
But You never would, which compounded my distress.
What I have gained through my loss, however,
May have been the most valuable lesson of my life.
Out of my painful void, You have raised me up,
Placing my feet on solid, immovable ground,
Strengthening me with power in the inner man,
Making me sound at the core of my being.
No longer fearful and timid, I’m peaceful and confident.
Instead of filling my hours with fretful apprehension,
My state of mind is now one of strength and resolve.
None of this could have taken place
Had You not changed my heart’s desire—
Irreversibly transforming my perspective.
Without Your loving, consistent attention,
I would never have learned my lesson,
Which would have destined me
To repeat my mistakes endlessly,
Like an unreasoning animal
Rather than like a thoughtful child of Yours.
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Look upon my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. Look upon my enemies, for they are many; and they hate me with a violent hatred. Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in Thee. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for Thee. (Psalm 25:16-21)