Father,
When I come before You,
I always pay lip service
To how awesome You really are.
When I say it, I mean it—sort of.
I know it’s true, but I’ll have to admit
That what I’m really interested in is me.
I acknowledge Your sovereignty because
I want “things,” from You—lots of things.
I want You to bless me—
To make my life easier and, most of all,
To rubberstamp my will as Your own.
Nearly all of my prayers focus on
What You can do for me.
I’m interested in Your benevolence—
Not in getting to know You better.
That’s the truth, and I need to be honest.
I wish I were a better person than this.
I wish I had more character, but I don’t.
Admitting the truth embarrasses me,
But You know my heart and what I’m really like.
I need You to continue making changes in me.
Teach me to seek You for Yourself,
And not just what You can do for me.
Give me a heart to yearn for wisdom,
Rather than just Your generous hand.
Teach me to look beyond my limited world
To help meet the needs of others.
Give me a heart for someone other than myself.
I recognize my selfishness; it’s ever before me.
I also know that You are active in my life,
Changing me from the inside out,
Helping me to become a better child of Yours.
The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart. I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results on his deeds. (Jeremiah 17:9-10)
I’m so weary…. I”m so weary of meeting other people’s needs and often not even knowing mine.
I’m sad
I’m sad that my “hope” is simply to survive…
that I was enthusiastic and such a fighter for right!
and now all I want to do is hide in a safe place and live out my days.
VOID of all “relationship”
Void of any sense of purpose…..
that everything I ever thought I was fighting for is of no value!
Purity is not valued…. oh, if we are impure don’t we just have a greater overcomer story!
Honesty is not valued…. hell who cares what the truth is.
Sex abuse of children… well, it is THEIR fault if it did not make them a better stronger person. If they perpetuate the evil…. SOMEONE LIKE TED HAGGARD…. fights against homosexuality. Then he reveals he was “abused” as a child… but that now he is violating his marriage and, well, he is bisexual! It is up to US to tolerate his slant…. now WE are the evil!
In fact…. we are religious abusers to expect repentance or reconciliation.
The gospel is as abusive as it is gracious…. nothing matters… God will forgive all and it was just the “ride” of our life! what were we expecting?
rapist will be forgiven and Heaven is when i will be grateful that THEY made it to Heaven!
I will go to hell because I dared to think THEM wrong! Murder is not wrong…. only those who would seek to punish murderers!
DON”T POST THIS…. just venting!