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Archive for June, 2013


Father,

You came and shook me,

Knowing my vulnerabilities like no other.

In an instant—in a flash,

I was undone.

I was not where I thought I was.

I was not who I claimed to be.

When you revealed me to myself,

I stood naked—laid bare to Your eyes

And I cannot hide from Your face,

From Your truth, or from Your scrutiny.

Journal: Have you ever had your life become unsettled like this? If so, take a few minutes to write about that experience.

When a person casts his or her vision of God aside, personal restraint is usually cast aside as well. That’s why wounded people abuse alcohol, prescriptions, excessive eating, promiscuity, and pornography so frequently. It helps them ease their pain, but it also numbs their conscience and their higher calling. As the downward spiral accelerates, they become self-fulfilling prophecies, which allows their abuser’s to smile with delight, knowing that “no good would come” from them anyway.

Journal: Becoming very specific, write about your acting out behavior. What was it and, more importantly, is it still a part of your life? If so, also write about its hold on you.

In the aftermath of abuse, many suffer from perpetual low self-esteem, which diminishes their value to themselves and to others. In their hearts, they are convinced they are broken beyond repair; and they are certain they will never be emotionally healthy, happy, or normal again.

Question: How badly has your self-esteem suffered as a result of your abuse? With one being the lowest, on a scale of 1-to-10, where would you put yourself?

It’s in the deep valleys where you learn to trust Him. It’s where you develop a richer, more confidant faith, which is definitely His will. Successful perseverance makes you a useful person in God’s Kingdom. When you finally realize this, you will also learn to “glory in your tribulation.” Until you reach this understanding, however, much of your travail will seem unintelligible.

Question: How often has it occurred to you that God might have a higher purpose for you than you are now living? If so, do you have an inkling of what that might be?

If your walk with God is shallow, if your beliefs are simplistic, and if you are unwilling to have your faith challenged or questioned, your recovery will be weak, fruitless, and easily derailed. To become everything you want to be and are capable of being, you must develop a strong relationship with the Lord. There’s simply no other way. You have to own it yourself. There’s no way to recover without it.

 

Question: With one being the lowest, on a scale of 1-to-10, where would you put your relationship with the Lord? Be honest about this. If it’s below eight, there’s a lot of work for you to do. You realize this is true, right?

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Refer to Step 10: I choose to believe God still has a purpose for my life—a purpose for good and not evil.

 

What man actually needs is not a tensionless state but rather the striving and struggling for some goal worthy of him. What he needs is not the discharge of tension at any cost, but the call of a potential meaning waiting to be fulfilled by him.

—Victor Frankl

How can you tell someone is “walking the walk” and not just “talking the talk?” In recovery, as well as in every aspect of life, it’s an important question—one that requires answering every day. What you say is important, but what you do is far more important.

If you care for your fellow man; if you have compassion for those caught in addiction, despair, or any acting-out behavior; if you routinely display love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness; you are walking the walk every day of your life—whether you say anything or not. You just don’t realize it most of the time.

If your walk with God is shallow, if your beliefs are simplistic, and if you are unwilling to have your faith challenged or questioned, your recovery will be weak, fruitless, and easily derailed. To become everything you want to be and are capable of being, you must develop a strong relationship with the Lord. There’s simply no other way. You have to own it yourself. There’s no way to recover without it.

Therefore, instead of proclaiming that which is not strong in your life with bumper stickers, tee shirts, and canned answers, wouldn’t it be wise to strengthen your faith, rather than just drift along aimlessly, nursing a grudge and being a victim?

Intellectually and philosophically, Christianity is time-weathered, profound, and enduring. At the same time, most Christians in America are unable to handle legitimate questions—questions your recovery demands.

Most of Christ’s disciples were ignorant men, but they changed the world. You can also change your world but, before that can happen, you must strengthen the inner man by spending quality time with God. Without it, you’re destined to have thoughts no deeper than a bumper sticker slogan or more profound than a tee-shirt platitude.

Only conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ; so that whether I come and see you or remain absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel. (Philippians 1:27)

Jack Watts   Resources

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Refer to STEP 1: My life is not where I want it to be. It is shipwrecked.

 

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seamed with scars.

—E. H. Chapin

Do you remember the movie, As Good as It Gets? It was powerful and poignant, showing that life can be tolerable, rewarding, and even pleasant in spite of substantial limitations. The main character was so flawed he had to take medication to normalize his compulsions; but he was charming nonetheless.

Such limitations are how most people view themselves when it comes to recovery—any kind of recovery, including from religious abuse. They see their lives as fundamentally flawed—broken beyond repair. Their spirit is like a dog that has been beaten—easily cowed and intimidated. Uncertainty replaces confidence, with an underlying defeatist mentality. In the aftermath of abuse, many suffer from perpetual low self-esteem, which diminishes their value to themselves and to others. In their hearts, they are convinced they are close to worthless; and they are certain they will never be emotionally healthy, happy, or normal again.

For most, this is what life is like after physical, emotional or spiritual abuse. Even worse, many come to believe God doesn’t care about them either—not really. My questions are these:

  • Does it really have to be this way?
  • Is partial healing as good as it gets?
  • Can an abused person become whole again?
  • Does a person’s life have to be irreparably altered?
  • Does timidity and fear have to rule an abused person’s life?
  • Is God really capable of raising a person up and planting his or her feet firmly on the ground again?
  • Can God renew ones spirit so that a person can be a confident and emotionally healthy once more—a person who can smile at the future, rather than cringe from fear foreboding?
  • Is there hope, or is it all just sweet, syrupy platitudes that have little relevance to reality?
  • Is making it through the day as good as it gets, or can there be more to life?

For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Jack Watts   Resources

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Refer to STEP 9: I humbly ask God to change anything He desires, and I ask Him to heal my pain.

 

God’s answers are wiser than our prayers.

—Croft M. Pentz

When you pray to be spared from the natural consequences of your actions, don’t be surprised when it seems like you’re praying to a wall. Also, when you pray to be rescued, such requests are rarely answered in the way you desire. It’s because the prayer is usually at cross-purposes with God’s will.

God wants you to be strong and resourceful. He knows that a “Divine bailout” will keep you living your life like a perpetual child, which is never His desire. If He answered a prayer like this in the way you desire, you would never attain the full stature of a competent man or woman. He loves you too much to allow you to behave like a petulant, indulgent child, when you have the capacity to be capable and resilient.

His desire is for you to be an adult—to attain your full stature in Christ, which is your birthright. That can only be accomplished by persevering through troubles, heartaches, disappointments, and suffering. While you are going through these difficulties, however, He never leaves you, and He never forsakes you. You can count on this and you should.

It’s in the deep valleys where you learn to trust Him. It’s where you develop a richer, more confident faith. This is what He wants; it’s definitely His will. Successful perseverance makes you a useful person in God’s Kingdom. When you finally realize this, you will also learn to “glory in your tribulation.” Until you reach this understanding, however, much of your travail will seem unintelligible.

We exult in the hope of the glory of God. And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations; knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint; because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.  (Romans 5:2b-5)

Jack Watts   Resources

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Refer to Step 2: I commit to stop living my life in pursuit of self-defeating behavior.

 

When once we lose sight of God, we begin to be reckless. We cast off certain restraints. We cast off praying. We cast off the vision of God and begin to act on our own initiative.

—Oswald Chambers

In the aftermath of religious abuse, nearly every abused person casts off restraint and pursues self-defeating behavior. Once a person’s vision has been shattered, they blame God for what has happened to them, which makes it nearly impossible to not pursue a life of fool hearty pleasure. It’s predictable—almost inevitable.

For a while, it feels good to cast restraint to the wind and rebel against the religious system that caused so much trouble. After a while, however, rebelliousness ceases to be fun, leaving the victim stuck in a dead-end, fruitless life that has no future. Slowly but surely, the person loses his or her way and drifts further from his or her Source of Life. When the process is complete, it becomes nearly impossible for them to find their way back.

When a person casts his or her vision of God aside, personal restraint is usually cast aside as well. That’s why wounded people abuse alcohol, prescription drugs, excessive eating, promiscuity, and pornography so frequently. It helps them ease their pain, but it also numbs their conscience and their higher calling. As the downward spiral accelerates, they become self-fulfilling prophecies, which allows their abuser’s to smile with delight, knowing that “no good would come” from them anyway.

Recognizing how far they have fallen, the abused person internalizes their shame and feelings of low self-esteem, accepting their condemnation as the truth. They come to believe they have nothing worthwhile to add to life.

Extricating themselves from this oft-traveled road—returning to the path God has set for their lives—becomes a daunting task. Few can accomplish it, especially by themselves. That’s why working the 11 Steps is so important for abused people. It allows them to reconnect with God in a real and meaningful way—in a way that can heal their pain and allow them to become the worthwhile men and women God created them to be.

Blessed be the Lord, who daily bears our burden, the God who is our salvation. God is to us a God of deliverances; and to God the Lord belong escapes from death. (Psalm 68:19-20)

Jack Watts   Resources

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Father,

Unlike many, I’m in control of my life.

I am a man of substance and value.

People listen when I speak,

As words of wisdom roll out effortlessly

From the essence of my being.

Indeed, I have it all together.

___________________

At least, I thought that I did.

Then, You shook my foundations,

Because You know my vulnerabilities

And understand my weaknesses intimately.

In an instant—in a flash, I was undone.

I was not where I thought I was.

I was not who I claimed to be.

When you revealed me to myself,

I stood naked before You—

Laid bare to Your eyes.

I cannot hide from Your face,

From Your truth, or from Your scrutiny.

___________________

Those who claimed their love abandoned me,

And my enemies delighted in my misfortune,

As Your blessings vanished, leaving a wasteland.

When will it end, Lord? When will it be enough?

When will You remove Your heavy hand of discipline,

Restoring my strength, my joy, and my purpose?

Is my discipline for a season or for a lifetime?

You know, and I do not.

Be merciful to me, Father.

Do not allow this be my portion forever.

I have learned my lesson;

I regret my arrogance and self-deception.

Hasten the day of my restoration,

Lest my sorrows overwhelm me

And my despair be irreparable.

Jack Watts   Resources

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Father,

My loss is so great that

I’m certain I’ll never be whole again.

At night, I awaken, knowing something is amiss,

And then grim reality floods my consciousness,

Fully awakening me,

As despair shrinks my countenance.

Question: Have you ever experienced grief at this level? Was your abusive experience this hard on you? Take some time to reflect upon your experiences.

When you’ve experienced abuse—any abuse—it impacts how you perceive reality. You see things differently—more apprehensively and with less confidence. And to be honest, most who have been abused wonder if God is literally in charge. They might believe it as a doctrinal statement, but not actively—not from their own experience. They just don’t see it. Abused people routinely think, “If God was in charge, He wouldn’t have allowed . . . (fill in the blanks).”

Journal: Have you blamed God for your abuse? Or, have you blamed Hime for not intervening? Take some time to write about exactly how you have felt about it. Be honest.

Before you went through the life-altering experience of being crushed by some self-righteous religious leader, you were probably happy, carefree, positive, and joyous—at least, most of the time. Your experience changed all that, didn’t it? Since then, have you become bitter, angry, cautious, and estranged from many people who were once close to you?

Journal: Continuing with your candor, answer the questions asked forthrightly.

 

If you want to heal, here is what you have to do. You have to listen for God’s voice, trust it, and become open to His healing. You also have to be open and candid with another human being—one that has enough strength of character to tell you when you’re wrong. You can’t do one or the other; both are essential—just like two wheels on a bicycle.

Question: Think about some of the people you know and ask yourself, Who is trustworthy enough to be my confidant as I continue my journey is recovery?

Once a person has experienced religious abuse, his or her life is never the same, and neither is their relationship with the Lord. After having suffered such a wound, it rarely heals well, and most victims never reach their full potential. It just doesn’t happen. Being the champion for people like these, I say to myself, What would happen if they had a program to help them heal—to help them get back on track with the Lord?

Journal: If you were to reach your full potential, what would that look like? Write about it, and don’t be modest.

Jack Watts   Resources

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Refer to STEP 11: I make a commitment to nurture my relationship with God, asking Him to reveal His will to me and to provide me with the power to carry it out.

 

 

Breakdowns can create breakthroughs. Things fall apart so things can fall together.

—Author Unknown

When I was a little boy, I played imaginary games with my friends all the time. We played pirates and had imaginary battles all the time, but my all-time favorite was cowboys and Indians. I was always an Indian because, even as a small child, rooted for the underdog. I still do. I’m the champion at rooting for lost causes.

It’s also why I spend so much time and energy writing about people who have felt the sting of abuse, especially religious abuse. I care about those people few others seem to care about. The people I care about don’t fit the mold—the cookie-cutter image of what good Christians are supposed to look like.

Once a person has experienced religious abuse, his or her life is never the same. Neither is their relationship with the Lord. After having suffered such a wound, it rarely heals well, and most victims never reach their full potential. It just doesn’t happen.

Being the champion for people like these, I say to myself, What would happen if they had a program to help them heal—to help them get back on track with the Lord?

In America, we look for political leaders with spotless reputations. If someone has fallen, they rarely receive a second chance, which seems like a terrible waste. I know I have learned more from my mistakes than I have from my successes. Haven’t you?

The same is true for those who have experienced religious abuse. At some level, they have a far better understanding of life than the simple and naive. Because of their wounds, however, they become bitter and jaded, retreating from their relationship with God—never walking with Him at the level they once did. Think about this: what if these people could be roused? Wouldn’t their collective experiences have a dramatic impact upon Christianity—an impact that’s absolutely needed?

I believe the answer is yes, and it’s why I have written about the subject and will continue to write for years to come. Championing lost causes seems that important.

Restore to me the joy of my salvation, and sustain me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Thy ways and sinner will be converted to Thee. (Psalm 51:12-13)

Jack Watts   Resources

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Refer to Step 8: I will share my experience and my own wrongdoing with a trusted friend, confessing the exact state of my heart.

 

If you share your pain, you cut it in half; if you don’t, you double it.

—Recovery Slogan

There’s nothing more difficult than discerning the voice of God when you’ve been spiritually abused. Because someone you trusted used his or her position exploitatively, you naturally recoiled when you realized the destructive nature of such a breach of confidence.

For most, the affront was so unexpected that the emotional damage caused by it became debilitating. As a result, not only did it make you angry but it also hampered your ability to trust other people—people you will need to trust in your recovery. Learning how to trust again—and actually doing it—is one of the most difficult aspects in regaining emotional health, but that’s exactly what is required.

That’s why having strong men and women in your life is so important. Recovery can be a lonely road, and a wise person chooses to share the burden with at least one other person.

This loss of trust usually extends to God as well. That’s because, in your mind, you believe He should have intervened to prevent it. You may feel like God let you down more than your abuser. If you do, you are not alone. Most people feel this way—at least, for a while.

When you think about it rationally, you know it isn’t true, but you still feel this way. Because you do, it’s difficult to trust God again. It’s also much more difficult to follow His leading, which definitely is the road to emotional health. You must learn to trust again—both vertically and horizontally.

Trust God first because that’s your primary relationship in recovery. Then, find at least one friend to help you get back on your feet. It’s important. If you want to heal, here is what you have to do. You must listen for God’s voice, trust Him, and become open to His healing. You also have to be open and candid with another human being—one that has enough strength of character to tell you when you are wrong. You can’t do one or the other; both are essential—just like two wheels on a bicycle.

Brethren, even if a man is caught in any trespass, you who are spiritual, restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another’s burdens, and thus fulfill the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:1-2)

Jack Watts   Resources

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Refer to STEP 5: I recognized that the only way back to a productive life is exactly the way I came. I had to repair my relationship with God.

 

If you have made mistakes, even serious ones, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.

—Mary Pickford

Before you went through the life-altering experience of being crushed by a self-righteous religious leader, you were probably happy, carefree, positive, and joyous—at least, most of the time. Your experience changed all of that, didn’t it? Since then, have you become bitter, angry, cautious, and estranged from many people who were once close to you?

If you have, you’re not alone; that seems to be most people’s experience. From God’s perspective, however, that is good—not bad. This may surprise you, but it’s true. God needed you to grow up and be a useful adult, which you never were in your blissful state of naïveté. Now that you have been baptized by fire—so to speak, you have the potential to be fruitful, which is definitely part of God’s will for your life.

If you take a minute to reflect about your situation, isn’t that what you want as well? Don’t you want to reach your full maturity and be a person capable of handling difficult situations? Or, would you rather be spared from all of life’s heartaches, while never truly growing up?

In one sense, the choice is up to you. You can remain in your denial, immaturity, and bitterness; or take up your cross, which is never easy, and move forward to fulfill God’s purpose for your life.

Which will it be:

  • Will you be strong and learn to stand confidently against all adversity?
  • Will you abandon your right to self-pity?
  • Will you stop blaming others for what has befallen you?
  • Will you make a conscious choice to walk against the wind, knowing that is precisely what is needed to develop proven character in your life?

If you choose the “road less traveled,” it may become harder and not easier; but you will become the person you know you were created to be.

Consider if all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials; knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:3-4)

Jack Watts   Resources

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Refer To STEP 4:  I choose to believe what God says about Himself: that He is good and can be trusted.

 

 

The Almighty makes miracles when He pleases, wonder after wonder, and this world rests in His hands.

—Beowulf

The Scriptures tell us to not be conformed to this world but to be transformed. The way to do this is by renewing our minds. If our minds are renewed, we can pray with the correct perspective. But what is really involved in renewing your mind?

When you’ve experienced abuse—any abuse—it impacts how you perceive reality. You see things differently—more apprehensively and with less confidence. To be candid, most who have been abused wonder if God is literally in charge. They might believe it as a doctrinal statement, but not literally—not from their own experience. They just don’t see it. Abused people routinely think, “If God was in charge, He wouldn’t have allowed . . . (fill in the blank).”

That’s where we have to begin our recovery process. We need to renew our minds about how we perceive reality. Until we do, we will not make much progress.

Eventually, we need to come to this place: God is in charge of everything. According to the Scriptures, “There is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.” This is either true, or it isn’t. If you want to have a full and productive life, you can begin by renewing your mind to accept that God is alive and powerful, active in the affairs of mankind.

That includes your life. Even if you feel certain He had abandoned you, which most abused people do, especially soon after their experience, He has not. It just feels like He has. He is there, whether you think He is or not. You can count on it, and you should count on it.

Oh Lord God! Behold, Thou hast made the heavens and the earth by Thy great power and by Thine outstretched arm! Nothing is too difficult for Thee. (Jeremiah 32:17)

Jack Watts   Resources

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Father,

I come to you broken and crushed,

Perhaps beyond repair,

With a continuous heartache,

Which I am certain will never mend.

At times, it’s even difficult to breathe,

As a cold chill races through me.

My loss is so great that

I’m certain I’ll never be whole again.

At night, I awaken, knowing something is amiss,

While grim reality floods my consciousness,

And I become fully awake.

My countenance, which once was so cheerful,

Is no longer, and my spirit seems to shrink daily.

In my heart, I am diminished and bowed down.

That is when I come to You;

That is when I seek Your face;

Thatis when I weep and mourn my loss.

I want the pain to go away;

I want You to kiss my wound,

Like I was still a small child.

I want You to “make it all better,”

I don’t have to have to think about it.

That’s when You say to me,

You need to feel the pain for a season,

But only for a season, My child.

For I know the plans I have for you—

Plans for a future and for hope.

I understand your pain, My child.

I, too, have grieved a great loss.

I, too, have felt such deep pain.

But what I gained through My loss was you,

And you are worth the price I paid.

Know My Heavenly Father understands,

Like a dutiful child, I bow my head and say,

“You give and take away,

You give and take away,

You give and take away,

Blessed be Your name.”

Jack Watts

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Refer to STEP 6: I abandon my desire to spread malice because of my pain and anger, and I chose to relinquish my right to be self-absorbed.

Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs.

—Charlotte Bronte

Having established a relationship with God through faith, you already have everything you need to facilitate your recovery. It’s inside you. Because you are His child, possessing all the rights that entails, you can recover just as soon as you make the decision to do so.

This isn’t just the power of positive thinking or putting a constructive spin on your situation. It’s real, and you can count on it.

You may feel lost, detached, helpless, and defeated, but you are not. You may feel like you are in the world—without God, forlorn, and beyond help—but you are not. You may feel like nothing good will ever happen to you again, but it doesn’t have to be that way. All is not lost—not even close, regardless of how desperate your circumstances appear.

As is so often the case, your recovery depends on how you choose to proceed. If you nurse your wounds and continue to blame your abuser, you can certainly do that. It’s your right, and it’s the path most people choose to follow, especially immediately after their painful experience.

Being angry is normal but, by becoming stuck in your anger, you will only experience one thing—bitterness. When bitterness clutches your soul, it diminishes the quality of your life, ensuring you will never become the person God intended you to be. Bitterness can run so deep it becomes as addictive as a controlled substance—a habit nearly impossible to break. Once it takes grip, it becomes part of you, diminishing every positive character quality you’ve ever possessed. It can even alter how you look, producing a sour, defeated countenance, which is certainly not what anybody wants.

Nothing good comes from it—nothing. If you’ve become bitter, it’s imperative that you make a conscious choice to break its hold upon you. Until that happens, no substantive recovery will be possible.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. (Ephesians 4:30-31)

Jack Watts

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Refer to STEP 3: I accept that the responsibility for getting back on track is mine and no one else’s.

 

It is a tragic hour—that hour when we are finally driven to reckon with ourselves—when every avenue of mental distraction has been cut off and our own life and all its ineffaceable failures close about us like the walls of that old torture chamber of the Inquisition.

—Willa Cather

For those who have become embittered by being broken, resentment seems to consume them, and a look of self-pity acts like a force field, warning others to keep their distance. Such people act like “joy sponges,” as they suck all of the happiness and energy out of the room. You know people like this, don’t you? If you close your eyes, can you picture somebody who is like this? Is there anything that would ever make you want to be like this?

Of course not! Now, here is the good news: if you have ever been like this, you don’t have to continue. You do not need to feed self-pity, nor do you need consolation. Instead, you need to be congratulated.

God has allowed you to be stripped of all your pretentiousness. Now that you’ve bottomed out, you are ready to become everything He ever intended for you to be. With nothing to offer but yourself, you can bow your head and say, “Have mercy on me, Father. I’m completely undone.” When you can say this and mean it, God opens His arms, and the restoration process can begin. Until this happens, you haven’t hit bottom, and your problems will continue—perhaps even escalate.

The choice is yours. You can begin healing just as soon as you reach bottom, or you can wallow in your self-pity for another year or two—or twenty, pushing the people you love away. Which will it be?

My soul has been rejected from peace; I have forgotten happiness. So I say, ‘My strength has perished, and so has my hope from the Lord.’ The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. (Lamentations 3:17-18, 25)

Jack Watts

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Father,

My anger is so consuming that

Toxic emotions rule my soul,

As I grit my teeth defiantly.

My fury clouds my judgment,

And my smile is far from my face.

Dark clouds diminish my countenance,

Warning others to stay clear.

I have vivid thoughts of revenge,

Of making my abusers pay a terrible price

For the injustice they’ve exacted upon me.

When I look in the mirror, I don’t like

The person I see—of the person I am becoming.

I spend my days feeding my anger,

Being consumed with hostile thoughts,

Which race repeatedly through my mind.

I’m consumed with retribution, enslaved by hatefulness.

I know that I’m not ready to forgive—not yet.

While I’m in this hostile state,

I need Your help more than ever.

Father, move me through this period quickly,

And allow me to forgive those—just like I’ve been forgiven.

While my anger dominates my consciousness,

Keep me from four things, from which there is no return:

From saying harsh words that can never be retrieved;

From wasting hours, fantasizing reprisals;

From self-defeating behavior because I am wounded;

And from wishing evil to come upon my adversaries.

Jack Watts

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