Getting Back on Track
Lord,
I don’t just suspect I have been abused,
I’m certain of it. I feel the pain constantly.
You understand that I’ve been wronged, too.
You must; I’ve told You about it countless times.
Everybody I’ve talked to knows my story.
But now that it’s been a while since it happened,
Everybody seems to have gone on with their lives—
That is, everybody but me.
I remain stuck, nursing a self-defeating mindset,
Which has not appreciably changed at all.
It’s infuriating and unfair that I’m the one
Who has to experience so much pain.
My abuser should be the one to pay,
But that hasn’t happened and it might not.
I’m the one who continues to suffer.
I know by stubbornly refusing to change,
I’m not hurting my abuser at all—far from it.
Instead, I’m only hurting myself, and those around me.
I can’t live like this any longer, Lord.
I don’t want to waste my years churning resentment,
Rehashing my drama over and over again in my mind,
But it’s going to be difficult to get back on track.
I know that I’ve drifted far away from You.
I didn’t realize how willful I had become,
But now I do. It becomes clearer each day.
That’s why I need You to lead me back home.
I have blamed others for my plight for so long,
That bitterness seems normal—even comfortable.
That frightens me more than anything else.
I’m still Your child, and I need Your guidance.
Please lead me back to where I belong, Lord.
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