Attraction Rather Than Promotion
Refer to Step 11: I make a commitment to nurture my relationship with the Lord, asking Him to reveal His will to me as well as the power to carry it out.
I will live what I teach.
I will do what I say.
I will say what I mean.
I will be honest with others.
I will put what is best for others ahead of what is best for me.
I will be transparent and vulnerable.
—Recovery Aphorisms
For your recovery to have a real, substantial, and positive impact on others, it has to be based on attraction rather than promotion. This simple truth runs contrary to nearly everything Christians in America believe. In churches and ministries, the message is promoted far and wide. It’s a methodology that often works, but certainly not for everybody.
For those of us in recovery, including recovery from religious abuse, we don’t promote anything. It’s never an option or even a consideration, which is very freeing. Instead, we live our life simply and unaffectedly, helping all who ask—never seeking anything in return. As we progress in our recovery and our relationship with God deepens, each day we become a little more like the person God created us to be. This means we are patient rather than petulant, seek to be kind rather than self-serving, and enjoy others—never looking for ways to use or manipulate them.
As our lives demonstrate proven character qualities, we become increasingly attractive to others—not physically attractive but emotionally attractive. Because others recognize that we are “safe people,” our opportunities to help become endless.
We know that attraction works—long-term and consistently. Promotion rarely does. It’s like a fast food commercial for a hamburger. What you get never meets the standard of what you’ve been promised by the commercial.
Once someone works the 11 Steps and begins to live in the freedom of recovery, there will always be people who want and need help. That’s how the principle of attraction works; and you don’t need to learn any pious platitudes. All you have to do is be real and genuine, eschewing sanctimony like the plague.
Conduct yourselves with wisdom toward outsiders, making the most of the opportunity. Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned, as it were, with salt, so that you may know how you should respond to each person. (Colossians 4:5-6)
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