I’m not where I want to be—
Not even close.
I’m not the person I want to be—
Nor the person I’m capable of being.
Even worse, the gap between the two
Is increasing, rather than diminishing.
If I’m being honest with myself,
Which I routinely try to avoid,
I constantly and repeatedly excuse
My poor behavior and my poor attitude.
I don’t like myself the way I am.
I’m a pathetic substitute for what I should be—
For what I know You want me to be.
But it’s even worse than this.
Nearly everyone who knows me well
Recognizes that my life is shipwrecked.
I may look acceptable to casual observers,
But to those who know me—
To those who know what I’m capable of being,
I’m certain they don’t like what they see.
How could they? Neither do I.
My intimacy with You has evaporated,
Even though I pretend that it hasn’t.
Father, I know who I am,
And I acknowledge this to You.
I will no longer pretend to be what I am not.
I have traveled the wrong road for so long
I’m not certain I can ever
Follow the correct path again,
But I want to more than anything.
Admitting this truth to You frightens me.
I have refused to face the truth for so long,
But I am now willing to do so.
I know I can’t change on my own.
Without Your help, I have no chance at all.
Will You meet me on my journey?
Will You hold my hand and touch my heart?
Will You be there for me and not leave me behind?
Will You, Father? Will You?
Without Your help I will never make it on my own.
I come to You humbly, in Christ’s precious Name.