My daily sobriety is contingent on my spiritual condition—AA Slogan
Having been wounded at the core of my being,
I have stopped seeking You—
Stopped praying, stopped looking to You
For discernment, guidance, and wisdom.
I haven’t wanted anything to do with You.
I have been so angry, hurt, and humiliated.
In my pain, I have acted in shameful ways,
And I have tried to hide my behavior
From You and from everybody else.
I didn’t want my life to be like this—
I didn’t want to become like I am.
My sins have gone over my head,
And I am unable to control them,
Which I foolishly believed I could.
They control me, and I know it.
I can no longer hide from the truth from You.
I am weary of concealing my face in shame,
Of churning my anger and my bitterness—
Of medicating my pain with dissipation.
I don’t want the wounds from my past,
Which I have unwisely nurtured with alcohol,
To control my future as well.
I want to stop my downward cycle.
I want to change my behavior completely.
Father, I am in a deep pit and I know it,
And there is no easy way to extricate myself.
I have routinely blamed others for my plight,
Choosing to embrace the role of being a victim,
Convincing myself that I have been faultless,
But I can no longer maintain my delusions.
I have to admit the truth to You and to myself.
I need Your help. Without You,
My life will have neither meaning nor value.
Help me end my self-defeating behavior,
So that I can once again be clean in mind and body.
Only You can estore me to strength and sanity.
For I joyfully concur with the Law of God in the inner man, but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind, and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin. (Romans 7:22-25)