Archive for December, 2015

Scrupulous Honesty


There is pain in recovery; misery is optional—AA Slogan



When I come before You,

I dutifully pay lip service

To how awesome You are.

When I say it, I mean it—sort of.

I know it’s true, but I must admit

That what I’m really interested in is me.

I acknowledge Your sovereignty because

I want “things,” from You—lots of things.

I want You to bless me—

To make my life easier and, most of all,

To rubberstamp my will as Your own.

Nearly all of my prayers focus on

What You can do for me.

I’m interested in Your blessings—

Not in getting to know You better.

This is the truth, and I need to be honest.

I wish I were a better, more selfless person.

I wish I had more character than this, but I don’t.

Admitting the truth about who I am embarrasses me,

But You know my heart and what I’m really like.

I need You to continue making changes in me.

Teach me to seek You for Yourself,

And not simply for what You can do for me.

Give me a heart to yearn for wisdom,

Rather than just Your generous benevolence.

Teach me to look beyond my limited world

To think about the needs of others.

Give me a heart for someone other than myself.

I recognize my selfishness; it is ever before me,

But You are changing me from the inside out,

Helping me to become a better, more thoughtful person—

A person worthy to bear Your name,


Jack Watts


The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart. I test the mind, even to give to each man according to his ways, according to the results on his deeds. (Jeremiah 17:9-10)

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Taking Responsibility


A winner is a loser who keeps trying—AA Slogan




I don’t just believe I’ve been mistreated,

I know I have been mistreated.

And You know I’ve been wronged as well.

I’ve told You what happened repeatedly.

Everybody in my life knows my story.

Now that it has been a while since my wounding,

Everybody seems to have progressed

With their lives—everybody, except for me.

I remain stuck in my debilitating mindset,

Which has not changed appreciably,

Despite the passage of so much time.

It’s infuriating and unfair that I’m the one

Who continues to experience so much pain.

Those who used, misused, and discarded me

Should be the ones to pay, but they haven’t.

At least, I can’t tell that they have.

I’m the one that continues to churn in anger,

Languishing in bitter despair.

By refusing to move forward with my life,

I know I’m not hurting my abusers—not one bit.

I’m only hurting myself, and those around me.

It’s not fair. It’s not fair at all,

But I can no longer live like this.

I don’t want to waste my future harboring resentment,

Rehashing my drama repeatedly in my mind,

But it’s going to be difficult to get back on track.

I didn’t realize I had drifted so far from You.

I didn’t realize how willful I had become,

But now I do. It becomes clearer each day.

I have blamed others for my plight for so long,

That bitterness seems normal—even comfortable,

Which frightens me for what lies ahead.

Show me how to find my way back to You.

Because, without Your active, healing guidance,

My life will never amount to anything of value,



Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let you mind dwell on these things. (Philippians 4:8)

Jack Watts

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