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Archive for June, 2019


MY PRAYER: Father,
My heart aches,
And I feel so unworthy
To come before You.
I feel worthless and by the
Contemptuous smirks of others,
I’m certain they are correct.
I feel so ashamed of myself,
And nobody is there to say,
“It’s okay. God loves you no matter what.”
I feel like I need to cringe and shrink away—
Never again to hold my head high.
I feel like I should skulk about blindly in the darkness,
Rather than boldly embracing the light.
I feel like You don’t love me, Father,
And I wonder, how could You?
I know I don’t love myself, but I also know
That my feelings are a lie and not the truth.
I know that in the depth of my self-pity,
You are always with me, always vigilant,
Always available, always telling me,
“My child, I know what you’ve done.
I know how badly you feel.
I know you believe your life has no value,
But this is not how I see you—not at all.
In spite of everything, I love you
Just the way you are.
This is why I sent My Son.
He paid the price for your shame,
Washing you whiter than snow.
Now, leave the past behind.
Hold your head high and walk
With Me confidently into the future.
I still have a plan for you—
A plan filled with hope and promise,”
Amen.
Jack Watts

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MY PRAYER: Father,
Having been wounded at the core of my being,
I have stopped seeking You—
Stopped praying, stopped looking to You
For discernment, guidance, and wisdom.
I haven’t wanted anything to do with You.
I feel so angry, hurt, betrayed, and humiliated.
In my pain, I have acted in shameful ways.
I have tried to hide my behavior
From You and from everybody else.
I didn’t want my life to be like this.
I didn’t want to become the person I am.
My sins have gone over my head,
And I am unable to control them,
Which I foolishly believed I could.
They control me, and I know it.
I can no longer hide this truth from You.
I am weary of concealing my face in shame,
Of churning my anger and my bitterness—
Of medicating my pain with dissipation.
I don’t want the wounds from my past,
Which I have foolishly nurtured with vice,
To control my life in the future.
I want to stop my downward cycle.
I want to change my behavior completely.
Father, I am in a deep pit, and I know it.
Even worse, I cannot see an easy way of extrication.
I have routinely blamed others for my plight,
Choosing to embrace the role of being a victim,
Convincing myself that I have been faultless,
But I can no longer maintain this self-serving delusion.
I have to admit the truth to You, as well as to myself.
I need Your help. Without You, my life will have
Neither meaning nor value.
Help me to end my self-defeating behavior,
Which exercises dominion over me, so that I can
Once again be clean in mind and in body, for I know,
Only You can restore me to wholeness and sanity,
Amen.
Jack Watts

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MY PRAYER: Father,
My soul aches, and my spirit is weak.
Heartache has consumed me,
And I am fearful of the future.
Those who know You much better than I,
Have rebuked me, chastening me
With contempt, ridicule, and shame.
In my heart, I have cowed before them,
Never questioning their motives or intent.
Slinking away in defeat and despair,
I have vowed to never return—to remain aloof
From them, from You, and from their religiosity.
I have wandered far from Your Word,
To a place where there is no joy,
No peace, no kindness, and no future.
Time has not been my friend.
My mistakes have brought me low.
My accusers know Your Word,
But they do not know Your forgiving Spirit.
Father, I need Your help to return home,
To come back to where I belong.
Help me become willing to nurture
A real and substantive relationship with You.
Strengthen me with power in the inner man.
Allow me to stand strong.
Allow me to be bold and confident.
Allow me to be the person You created me to be.
Don’t permit my accusers to continue
Having dominion over my wounded soul—
Lest my future be as bleak as my past,
Amen.
Jack Watts

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MY PRAYER: Father,
The darkness has lifted—
Darkness permitted by You
To refine my character,
Purging each of my childish ways
And making me more like
The man I’m supposed to be—
The man I’ve always wanted to be.
In the midst of my despair,
When at night I longed for the day,
And in the daytime desired it to be evening,
When sorrows made it difficult to breathe,
You were always there beside me,
Even when I was certain You were not.
As fear relentlessly rattled every fiber of my being,
You continued transforming me from the inside out—
Ever mindful of my frailties and weaknesses.
You purged, pruned and cleansed me from within,
Making me into a far better version of myself
Than I have ever been.
 
Then, one day, as I waited for my debilitating gloom
To return, which had become my daily routine,
It was gone—vanished like it had never been present—
Leaving me stronger, more resilient, and far wiser.
My purpose also returned to me, along with my smile.
I embraced life with renewed enthusiasm—
No longer chained to my heartache—
No longer imprisoned by my distress.
Now, having been elevated to a higher plateau,
I can thank You for making me a new person—
With estimable character qualities I considered beyond reach, Amen.
 
Jack Watts

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MY PRAYER: Father,

Having been wounded at the core of my being,

I have stopped seeking You—

Stopped praying, stopped looking to You

For discernment, guidance, and wisdom.

I haven’t wanted anything to do with You.

I feel so angry, hurt, betrayed, and humiliated.

In my pain, I have acted in shameful ways.

I have tried to hide my behavior

From You and from everybody else.

I didn’t want my life to be like this.

I didn’t want to become the person I am.

My sins have gone over my head,

And I am unable to control them,

Which I foolishly believed I could.

They control me, and I know it.

I can no longer hide this truth from You.

I am weary of concealing my face in shame,

Of churning my anger and my bitterness—

Of medicating my pain with dissipation.

I don’t want the wounds from my past,

Which I have foolishly nurtured with vice,

To control my life in the future.

I want to stop my downward cycle.

I want to change my behavior completely.

 

Father, I am in a deep pit, and I know it.

Even worse, I cannot see an easy way of extrication.

I have routinely blamed others for my plight,

Choosing to embrace the role of being a victim,

Convincing myself that I have been faultless,

But I can no longer maintain this self-serving delusion.

I have to admit the truth to You, as well as to myself.

I need Your help. Without You, my life will have

Neither meaning nor value.

 

Help me to end my self-defeating behavior,

Which exercises dominion over me, so that I can

Once again be clean in mind and in body, for I know,

Only You can restore me to wholeness and sanity,

Amen.

Read Full Post »


MY PRAYER: Father,
My soul aches, and my spirit is weak.
Heartache has consumed me,
And I am fearful of the future.
Those who know You much better than I,
Have rebuked me, chastening me
With contempt, ridicule, and shame.
In my heart, I have cowed before them,
Never questioning their motives or intent.
Slinking away in defeat and despair,
I have vowed to never return—to remain aloof
From them, from You, and from their religiosity.
I have wandered far from Your Word,
To a place where there is no joy,
No peace, no kindness, and no future.
Time has not been my friend.
My mistakes have brought me low.
My accusers know Your Word,
But they do not know Your forgiving Spirit.
Father, I need Your help to return home,
To come back to where I belong.
Help me become willing to nurture
A real and substantive relationship with You.
Strengthen me with power in the inner man.
Allow me to stand strong.
Allow me to be bold and confident.
Allow me to be the person You created me to be.
Don’t permit my accusers to continue
Having dominion over my wounded soul—
Lest my future be as bleak as my past,
Amen.
Jack Watts

Read Full Post »