MY PRAYER: Father,
My heart aches,
And I feel so unworthy
To come before You.
I feel worthless and by the
Contemptuous smirks of others,
I’m certain they are correct.
I feel so ashamed of myself,
And nobody is there to say,
“It’s okay. God loves you no matter what.”
I feel like I need to cringe and shrink away—
Never again to hold my head high.
I feel like I should skulk about blindly in the darkness,
Rather than boldly embracing the light.
I feel like You don’t love me, Father,
And I wonder, how could You?
I know I don’t love myself, but I also know
That my feelings are a lie and not the truth.
I know that in the depth of my self-pity,
You are always with me, always vigilant,
Always available, always telling me,
“My child, I know what you’ve done.
I know how badly you feel.
I know you believe your life has no value,
But this is not how I see you—not at all.
In spite of everything, I love you
Just the way you are.
This is why I sent My Son.
He paid the price for your shame,
Washing you whiter than snow.
Now, leave the past behind.
Hold your head high and walk
With Me confidently into the future.
I still have a plan for you—
A plan filled with hope and promise,”

COMMON SENSE: There are many places in the world that are unsafe, but attending a church service should not be one of them. For a Catholic, attending Mass should be the safest place on earth, but this has not been the case in Pennsylvania and many other locations throughout the United States—not if you are a young boy or a young girl.
Instead of being served by the priesthood, thousands of children have had their innocence destroyed by sexual predators masquerading as servants of Christ. Using the cloth as camouflage, these priests exploited the young, the naive, and the trusting for their own perverted carnal pleasures, with careless disregard for the destruction they left behind, primarily to young boys.
What these pedophile priests did not only raped these boys bodies, but they also raped their souls, wounding these children for a lifetime. Most of these kids, who are now adults, will never be the same. They are broken—doomed to suffer emotional anguish for the remainder of their lives.
Equally as guilty as the predator priests is the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church. Instead of exposing this darkness and driving the predators out, as they should have done, the Church chose to cover up these grotesque sins for decades, leaving an unbelievable wake of destruction in their path.
This should never have happened, but it did. Now, Catholicism has suffered another major blow—just as it did in Boston and other areas where these predator priests were given cover to rape, to exploit, and to pervert others. Obviously, there will be numerous lawsuits, but financial compensation will not be able to restore the innocence of these victims. Nothing can do that.
As I think about it, my spirit is deeply grieved, but I had to write about it.
—Jack Watts

MY PRAYER: Father,
Having been wounded at the core of my being,
I have stopped seeking You—
Stopped praying, stopped looking to You
For discernment, guidance, and wisdom.
I haven’t wanted anything to do with You.
I feel so angry, hurt, betrayed, and humiliated.
In my pain, I have acted in shameful ways.
I have tried to hide my behavior
From You and from everybody else.
I didn’t want my life to be like this.
I didn’t want to become the person I am.
My sins have gone over my head,
And I am unable to control them,
Which I foolishly believed I could.
They control me, and I know it.
I can no longer hide this truth from You.
I am weary of concealing my face in shame,
Of churning my anger and my bitterness—
Of medicating my pain with dissipation.
I don’t want the wounds from my past,
Which I have foolishly nurtured with vice,
To control my life in the future.
I want to stop my downward cycle.
I want to change my behavior completely.
Father, I am in a deep pit, and I know it.
Even worse, I cannot see an easy way of extrication.
I have routinely blamed others for my plight,
Choosing to embrace the role of being a victim,
Convincing myself that I have been faultless,
But I can no longer maintain this self-serving delusion.
I have to admit the truth to You, as well as to myself.
I need Your help. Without You, my life will have
Neither meaning nor value.
Help me to end my self-defeating behavior,
Which exercises dominion over me, so that I can
Once again be clean in mind and in body, for I know,
Only You can restore me to wholeness and sanity,
Jack’s Books: mcgeeandme.net/books

MY PRAYER: Father,
My soul aches, and my spirit is weak.
Heartache has consumed me,
And I am fearful of the future.
Those who know You much better than I,
Have rebuked me, chastening me
With contempt, ridicule, and shame.
In my heart, I have cowed before them,
Never questioning their motives or intent.
Slinking away in defeat and despair,
I have vowed to never return—to remain aloof
From them, from You, and from their religiosity.
I have wandered far from Your Word,
To a place where there is no joy,
No peace, no kindness, and no future.
Time has not been my friend.
My mistakes have brought me low.
My accusers know Your Word,
But they do not know Your forgiving Spirit.
Father, I need Your help to return home,
To come back to where I belong.
Help me become willing to nurture
A real and substantive relationship with You.
Strengthen me with power in the inner man.
Allow me to stand strong.
Allow me to be bold and confident.
Allow me to be the person You created me to be.
Don’t permit my accusers to continue
Having dominion over my wounded soul—
Lest my future be as bleak as my past,

PRAYER: I Am Not Ashamed

Our Gracious God and Loving Heavenly Father,
You are light and in You there is no hint of darkness.
We know this and accept this truth in our hearts and souls.
As Your obedient children, we are grateful to serve
A God who wants His children to walk in the light and not in the dark.
Father, to be honest, for most of my journey with You,
For most of the time I have sought your will for my life,
My focus has been primarily on my personal conduct and not
On the clarity of my thinking or the accuracy of my worldview.
Father, I now recognize this has been a significant mistake.
Please open my heart and my mind to Your Holy Spirit.
Allow me to take a good, hard, and honest assessment
Of what I have considered to be true, but could be deep-seated
Deception, leading me away from Your will for my life.
I want to know and follow Your ways and Your precepts.
Search me to see if there are any strongholds of darkness—
False beliefs that prevent me from discerning Your will accurately.
If such areas exist, direct Your Holy Spirit to reveal them to me,
Because I do not want anything to prevent me from being
The person You have created me to be. I ask this in Christ’s name,
I Am Not Ashamed also available at Jack’s Books: http://mcgeeandme.net/books/i-am-not-ashamed-1

I AM NOT ASHAMED: For each of us to fulfill our purpose in life, we must come to know the truth—God’s truth. The Gospel of John verse 8:32 powerfully states, “and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.” But often the first part of Jesus’ statement is omitted. “ So Jesus was saying to those Jews who had believed Him, ‘If you continue in My word, then you are truly disciples of Mine . . .’”
Our first step is to read and meditate on His Word. Then, the Holy Spirit will reveal its meaning to us, which we must accept as true. Our next step is to apply it. After accomplishing this, which is frequently an arduous and time-consuming process, we must ensure that our convictions become our personal reality. Once we have accomplished this, we can live in a way consistent with, and in accord with, our convictions. This is the process of surrender that produces the fruit and the power of the Spirit of God to work through us.
These are the steps in our journey to become Christ-like—to live in harmony with our loving Heavenly Father. Instead of being conflicted, like most Americans, including many Christians, our lives will become congruent, and we will experience love, peace, joy, patience, and much more. This is not an idealistic, unattainable, and sentimental goal. It is an achievable life plan. It can happen, and it will happen.

I’m not where I want to be in life—not even close.
I am not the person I want to be—
Not the person I’m capable of being.
Even worse, the gap between who I should be
And who I am is widening, rather than narrowing.
If I’m being honest with myself,
Which I have tried to avoid for so long,
I constantly and repeatedly excuse
My poor behavior and even poorer attitude.
I don’t like myself the way I am.
I’m a pathetic substitute for what I should be—
For what I know You want me to be.
Nearly everyone who knows me well
Recognizes that my life is shipwrecked.
My life may look acceptable to casual observers,
But to those who have insight into me—
To those who know what I am capable of being—
They don’t like what they see. Neither do I.
My purpose and zeal for life have evaporated,
Even though I pretend to others that I have it all together.
I know who I am—who I have become from my addiction.
I’m responsible for all the self-destructive behavior
That has accompanied it—nobody other than me.
I want to acknowledge the truth to You, Father.
I want to discard my denial and my pretentiousness.
I want to be real—completely transparent before You.
You see me as I really am, so why pretend to be
Someone I am not and haven’t been for years.
I have traveled the wrong path for so long
That I’m not certain I can correct my journey.
Admitting the truth of who I have become
Frightens me and makes me feel insecure.
I have refused to face the truth for so long it is scary.
I know I can’t change my destructive patterns by myself.
Without Your help, I have no chance—none whatsoever.
Will You accept me just as I am—devoid of pretence?
Will You guide me on my journey back to wholeness?
Will You take my hand, touch my heart, and forgive me?
Will You be with me today and give me strength?
Will You guide me from this day forward, one day at a time?
Because, if You don’t, I will never make it by myself,
—Jack’s Prayers: mcgeeandme.net/books