God Deals with Obstinacy
Let go and let God—AA Slogan
I’m praying because I know I should,
Not because it is heartfelt.
I can do things for myself.
I always have—always will.
I don’t need Your help—not really.
“Bring it on,” is my motto.
In my heart, this is how I feel—
At least, most often than not.
I’m not trying to hurt anybody,
But I don’t really trust people either—
Not even You, Lord, not even You.
As I grit my teeth obstinately,
Insolently I think, I can handle anything.
Then, You allow adversity to have full reign,
Shaking me to the core of my existence.
Defiantly, I fight You each step of the way,
Refusing to learn the lesson I’m being taught.
My proud, headstrong attitude defines who I am.
Undaunted by my inflexibility,
You increase the pressure upon me,
And I wince and whine at the discomfort,
But I will not yield—not yet.
I still have so much fight left in me.
I cannot submit; I will not submit.
Then, You double the pressure, redoubling it once again.
Finally, when I can stand no more,
I break—just a little and, in my bewildered distress,
I cry out imploringly, “Lord? What have I done?”
As if completely innocent, I ask, “Why is this happening?”
Revealing Your purpose, You allow me to recognize
Just how much my world required shaking.
Finally, coming to the end of my intransigence,
I acknowledge what I should have earlier,
“Your will is what I desire. Do with me as You please,
You are Almighty God, and I am not,
But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, or angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor thins to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 8:37-39)