Calm, Strong, and Sane
Let go and let God—AA Slogan
Father,
In my pain and my anguish—
When my heart was broken
And darkness threatened to overwhelm me—
I felt so lost and abandoned, but I wasn’t.
Despite my anxiety and my trembling heart,
You were there, never leaving my side,
Diligently working within my heart,
Stripping me of all of my pretense,
Scourging me of all of my arrogance,
And revealing each of my self-serving ways,
Which have made my life a wasteland.
For so long, I had no concern or awareness
About anything You desired for my life.
My only desire was to find relief from my torment,
But Your determined pruning ran far deeper
Than anything I ever conceived or imagined.
I thought my anguish would never end
And I would never smile at the future.
In my distress, I revealed the desires of my heart,
Repeatedly asking You to grant my wishes,
But You never would, compounding my sorrow.
What I have gained through my loss,
I now realize may have been
The most valuable lesson of my life.
Out of my pain and ennui, You have raised me up,
Placing my feet on solid, immovable ground,
Strengthening me with power in the inner man,
Making me sound at the core of my being.
No longer fearful or timid, I am peaceful and confident.
Instead of filling my hours with fretful apprehension,
My state of mind has become one of strength and resolve.
None of this could have taken place
Had You not changed my heart’s desire—
Irreversibly transforming my perspective.
Without Your loving, consistent attention,
I would never have learned my lesson,
Which would have destined me
To repeat my mistakes endlessly,
Like an unreasoning animal
Rather than like Your blessed child,
Amen.
Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Look upon my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. Look upon my enemies, for they are many; and they hate me with a violent hatred. Guard my soul and deliver me; do not let me be ashamed, for I take refuge in Thee. Let integrity and uprightness preserve me, for I wait for Thee. (Psalm 25:16-21)
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